[Essay] water consumed for industry

[cathui]

I will highly appreciate it if any kind teacher can tell me whether the REWRITTEN one is correct .

Original sentence :
The proportion of water consumed in A for industry is 65%, and B is the same .

Rewrite :

A and B share the same proportion (65%) in water consumption for industry.

 

[emsr2d2]

Water is consumed "by" specific industries (or individuals). Do A and B represent countries in your sentence?

 

[teechar]

Hi cathui, and welcome to the forum.
Where did you find the original sentence? I find it unnatural and ambiguous. What does "proportion" refer to?

 

[jutfrank]

This sounds very much like an IELTS Writing Task 1. I assume A and B are countries and we're looking at how water used for industrial purposes relates to the total water consumption in those countries.

In your rewritten version, you need of, not in.

the same proportion of water consumption