What do you guys think of these College application essays

[kamel]

qwe

 

[Tdol]

In the first paragraph, you use 'next' and 'following' together, which is unnecessary. You also say "grandmothers' ". Unless both grandmothers lived in the same house, you should have the apostrophe before the s.

In paragraph three you should say 'person's greed'. Also, does the book 'unleash the brutality of the ‘White man’'? It was the Whites who unleashed the brutality; I'd say that the books depicts or describes thebrutality. Is there a need for the capital letters or hyphens with tour de force? Dictionary.com suggest not: http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=tour+de+force&r=67 . You also need to put a comma after African-American in the last paragraph; if not, then you have separated the subject from the verb. I don't like 'recommend this read' much; I'd use 'book' here, we do say 'it's a great read', but it doesn't work here for me.

I am in a rush, so I'll look at the others later. I have only pointed out the mistakes, but it is a well-written piece. ;-)

 

[kamel]

thanks for the reply. Anything else I should fix?

 

[kamel]

qwe