When after their holiday, Gina

Bassim

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I am wondering if my sentences are grammatically correct.

When after their holiday, Gina told her husband, Phil, she wanted a divorce, he was sure she had planned that months in advance. He felt stupid and taken advantage of. He remembered his mother's warning that he was naive and inexperienced and easy prey for cunning women.
 

teechar

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Lynxear

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I am wondering if my sentences are grammatically correct.

When after their holiday, Gina told her husband, Phil, she wanted a divorce, he was sure she had planned that months in advance. He felt stupid and taken advantage of. He remembered his mother's warning that he was naive and inexperienced and easy prey for cunning women.

I would make several changes to sentences.

First of all, I find the beginning very awkward. I think you are after a subordinate clause with the use of "when" and that makes sense.

"When [STRIKE]after their holiday,[/STRIKE] Gina told her husband, Phil, she wanted a divorce..."

When "after the holiday" is removed then suddenly the clause is easy to see and read. I would place that prepositional phrase at the start of the sentence, out of the clause.

"After their holiday, when Gina told her husband, Phil, she wanted a divorce,...."

This sounds a lot better, right? Now here is the complete sentence.

"After their holiday, when Gina told her husband, Phil, she wanted a divorce, he was sure she had planned [STRIKE]that[/STRIKE] this months in advance."

I think the second sentence could be written better. Think about it! Doesn't it seem choppy to you, nestled between two great sentences?

The last sentence is ok but I would remove the first "and" and insert a comma.

He remembered his mother's warning that he was naive, [STRIKE]and[/STRIKE] inexperienced and easy prey for cunning women.

Think about rewriting that second sentence. It is not wrong, but I challenge you to make it better.:)
 

Bassim

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Lynxear,

Would my second sentence be OK like this?

He felt cheated and betrayed.
 

Lynxear

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Yes, I like that better.
 

andrewg927

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I suggest removing the commas before and after "Phil". I don't believe it is necessary and it's easier to read without those commas. Also "an easy prey".
 

Bassim

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andrewg927,

I see that in Longman dictionary "easy prey" is written without any article.
 

andrewg927

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Hmm, I don't like it without an article there.
 

GoesStation

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Don't use the article with prey, which is uncountable in this usage.
 
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Lynxear

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No I don't agree with you. Phil is an appositive describing "husband". It may be that the commas may be optional but I don't find the sentence awkward to read and they are not out of place.

As far as " easy prey" goes there is NEVER an article associated with the phrase "to be easy prey". You won't find a single reference agreeing with you, Andrewq927
 

andrewg927

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I don't know what you mean by reference but I certainly have seen "an easy prey". After reading the OP over and over, I'm starting to think it may be better without it but I'm not aware of anything that prohibits the use of an article there.
 
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