When Bob became homeless

[Bassim]

I am wondering if my sentences are grammatically correct.

When Bob became homeless, his so called "friends" crossed the street whenever they saw him. They would suddenly straighten out, pretending to look in the distance to avoid eye contact with him.

 

[teechar]

his so-called "friends"

They would suddenly straighten out

What do you mean by that?

 

[Bassim]

Should I write "straightened up" instead?

I didn't know what words to use to describe people who suddenly walk straight after they had been walking with somewhat bent shoulders. Bob's friends straighten up to avoid his eyes.

 

[emsr2d2]

That seems like the wrong way round to me. I would expect someone who had previously been walking upright (ie normally) to suddenly bend their head and look at the ground in order to avoid making eye contact with someone else.

 

[probus]

It seems best to eliminate this straighten business entrirely. We understand what you are trying to say without it.

How about:

When Bob became homeless, his so called "friends" crossed the street whenever they saw him. They would pretend to be looking into the distance to avoid eye contact with him.

However, the two remedies are mutually exclusive. Crosssing the street is sufficient. Pretending to gaze into the distance is only needed if Bob's "friends" stay on his side of the street.