When Bob, the bouncer, came home after work

Bassim

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Would you please correct the mistakes in my sentences?

When Bob, the bouncer, came home after work and his wife found a few pieces of paper with telephone numbers in the pocket of his jacket, all hell broke loose. He tried in vain to explain to her he was innocent and could not keep an eye on the hands of every woman who passed by him.
 

jutfrank

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The first sentence contains no glaring errors. You might want to add on them after telephone numbers. Many people write Hell with a capital letter.

The second sentence doesn't make good sense. Use convince instead of explain. The sense of the last part is a bit odd. Are you implying the women are surreptitiously trying to slip their numbers into his pocket as they enter?
 

Bassim

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jutfrank,
Exactly, I am implying that they slip their numbers into his pockets. But I do not say when. I could be when they enter or leave.
 

jutfrank

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Exactly, I am implying that they slip their numbers into his pockets. But I do not say when. I could be when they enter or leave.

Fair enough, then.
 
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