When Hannah started working

[Bassim]

Are my sentences grammatically correct?

When Hannah started working in the office, she disturbed its equilibrium. Her female colleagues glared at her with envy and hatred, while the men looked at her with excitement.

 

[emsr2d2]

I'd use "upset" rather than "disturbed". I might say "the men ogled her" or "the men eyed her lasciviously". I would certainly try to make it clear that the men's behaviour was unacceptable and based on her looks. (It is already clear that the other women's reactions were based on Hannah's looks.)

 

[Matthew Wai]

She disrupted its equilibrium.

 

[Matthew Wai]

You made a typo there, so the results are inconclusive.