Which Way?

[JACOOL]

We can't always have it our way.
Support and help, sometimes delay.

You might get humiliated, you might lose some respect.
You might be a heart-broken, so badly with side effects.

Though you already had enough, already went upset.
Unfortunately, nothing you could do, nothing in your hand was left.

You took a look to the left, front, behind and right.
You looked up and down, but which way is your right.

I have to make a choice, decision I have to decide.
Desperately, I have to move, but which thought should I ride?

Give some of yourself, for life needs sacrifice.
Let go, forgive more, for this is, one of a kind advice.

If you would like to complain, about every issue you get.
Then you will never laugh, grin, nor will you ever smile, I bet.


J

 

[Dr. Jamshid Ibrahim]

There is indeed no need to complain Jacool about things we can't change and of course we can't move against the current. Still, it is helpful if you show you emotions at least in writing.

 

[JACOOL]

I think you're right Dr. May be I was, as I was writing the poem, very sad, depressed or whatever it was. I wrot it long time ago indeed. Thanks

 

[Lynxear]

Jacool

You express your emotion quite well and this has the basis for being a good poem.

You have trouble with one or two rhyming words. In the case of these two lines...you use the same word "right" at the end. This is not really a good practise. The following link is a rhyming dictionary. RhymeZone: right It is very helpful in finding that perfect word for a rhyme.

You took a look to the left, front, behind and right.
You looked up and down, but which way is your right.

Perhaps "light" could be the word you could use. In this case "light" means understanding (the light at the end of the tunnel)

You took a look to the left, front, behind and right.
You looked up and down, searching for light.

You should try to organize your poetry into verses. Rhyming couplets is fine once in a while but it is like writing an essay. There you don't use 2 line sentences, rather you write in paragraphs. A verse is like a poetic paragraph.

Finally, you should try to reduce the number of words in each line. In poetry you don't have to write in complete sentences, so something like this.

You might get humiliated, you might lose some respect.
You might be a heart-broken, so badly with side effects.

can be rewritten

You might get humiliated, lose some respect,
become heart-broken, with bad side effect.

Don't make "effect" plural since you lose your rhyme by doing it.

Anyway I liked the emotion you express in this poem. It has a lot of potential. Think about these points when you write again.

Keep writing.

 

[JACOOL]

It seems that I've,eventrually, found someone who gives critical comments, which is a very good thing. As the 'RhymeZone' site it's so wonderful. I'd be visiting it a lot, I believe. But may I ask about 'organizing my poetry into verses ', is it like put it into paragraphs? If yes ,then how many lines should be in one paragraph? Thanks alot, and I hop you would keep giving some comments every now and then, as I'd keep writing.

 

[Lynxear]

It seems that I've,eventrually, found someone who gives critical comments, which is a very good thing. As the 'RhymeZone' site it's so wonderful. I'd be visiting it a lot, I believe. But may I ask about 'organizing my poetry into verses ', is it like put it into paragraphs? If yes ,then how many lines should be in one paragraph? Thanks alot, and I hop you would keep giving some comments every now and then, as I'd keep writing.

I will offer constructive criticism then. I try not to interfere with the way a person writes to the point of changing their style, but rather I would like to help them enhance their style.

Organizing your poetry into verses is very much like organizing an essay into paragraphs. You would not think of writing an essay in two sentence couplets through its entire length. Sometimes you might have a poem this way but not usually.

Like a paragraph each verse would have a main idea with the rest of the lines supporting that idea. As far as how big each verse should be, that is the decision of the poet. If you look at the three poems I have posted you will see Encounter (6 lines per verse), A Fantasy (13 lines per verse) and Have You Ever.... ((7 lines per verse)posted in A Poetry Introduction).

So it is entirely up you. If I had lines that rhyme then I would have an even number of lines in each verse. Usually each verse has the same number of lines. (hahaha...but this is not always true, you can change this as you get more experience but to start you should try this..)

Verses can have a number of rhyme schemes (the sequence of the rhyming lines)

It can be AABB Using your poem as an example

We can't always have it our way.
Support and help, sometimes delay.
You might be humiliated, lose some respect.
You might be a heart-broken, with side effect.

Way and delay are "A" and respect and effect are "B"

It can be AXAX where X means no rhyme at all at the end of the line. Using my poem, Have You Ever..., as an example

Have you ever sat by the shore of a lake
in the early summer’s dawn?
Patches of mist swirl ghostly
on the water’s glassy calm.

In this case it is XAXA where dawn and calm are the rhyming words (not very good rhymes though as I look at them like this:roll: but then this was the first poem that I wrote)

Other combinations are possible ABBA, for example and some types of traditional poems have a very rigid rhyming structure. A Sonnet is an example of such a poem structure (Shakespeare wrote sonnets often in his plays) Here is a website that describes a sonnet http://home.vicnet.net.au/~poems/ps/html/sonnet.html

 

[JACOOL]

What an interesting lesson indeed. May I ask you, do the Xs as in 'AXAX' always have to be unrhymed? By the way, you shall be my guest and offer as much constructive criticism as you wish. For I'd be so glad. As for the sonnet, I've some questions, but I shall ask you later, if you don't mind! Thanks

 

[Lynxear]

What an interesting lesson indeed. May I ask you, do the Xs as in 'AXAX' always have to be unrhymed? By the way, you shall be my guest and offer as much constructive criticism as you wish. For I'd be so glad. As for the sonnet, I've some questions, but I shall ask you later, if you don't mind! Thanks

Hmmm...I am not sure what you are asking me here. The use of symbols A,B,C,X are just convenient ways of showing the rhyming scheme of a poem. I am not sure if "X" is universally used to represent an unrhymed line but let us say that, that is what is meant when we talk here.

I would be happy to help you in any way I can. I will try to help without destroying your "voice" in the poem. The "voice" of the poem is the imaginary voice you hear when you read a poem. Every writer develops such sound by their choice of words, the rhythm of the lines and the emotion of their writing.

As far as a sonnet goes I have only written one sonnet. They are not easy to write since their format and rhyme scheme are very specific.

Poem size: 14 lines total
Rhyme scheme:

From the website: Basic Sonnet Forms

The Italian sonnet is divided into two sections by two different groups of rhyming sounds. The first 8 lines is called the octave and rhymes:

a b b a a b b a​

The remaining 6 lines is called the sestet and can have either two or three rhyming sounds, arranged in a variety of ways:

c d c d c d
c d d c d c
c d e c d e
c d e c e d
c d c e d c​

So all the "a" lines must have the same rhyming words, all the "b" lines must have the same rhyming words.......

There are also some restrictions on the meter of the line as well (the meter means the syllables and stress rhythm in a line). There are some examples on the site I have shown you. My sonnet was not very well done but it was fun trying to write one.

 

[JACOOL]

What I meant is the 'X' when you said(It can be AXAX where X means no rhyme at all at the end of the line.).

As my way of writing, don't worry about changing it.