Why

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Bassim

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Joined
Mar 1, 2008
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Bosnian
Home Country
Bosnia Herzegovina
Current Location
Sweden
Dear people
Here is my new poem, would you please proofread it.

Why


Why a young woman at the bus stop cries?

Love,

Illness,

A lost mobile phone?

If we were in another country

I would wipe her tears with my parched lips.

Here, I do not dare.

My hair is dark

Her strawberry blond.

My eyes the plough earth

Hers the blue sky.

The sun is shining

The economy blooming

But she is still crying

And I do not dare to kiss her cheeks.
 

Anglika

No Longer With Us
Joined
Oct 19, 2006
Member Type
Other
Dear people
Here is my new poem, would you please proofread it.

Why


Why does/is a young woman at the bus stop cry/crying?

Love,

Illness,

A lost mobile phone?

If we were in another country

I would wipe erase her tears with my parched lips.

Here, I do not dare.

My hair is dark

Hers strawberry blonde.

My eyes the ploughed earth

Hers the blue sky.

The sun is shining

The economy blooming

But she is still crying

And I do not dare to dare not kiss her cheeks.

:up:
 

susiedqq

Key Member
Joined
Jan 14, 2008
Member Type
Academic
Native Language
English
Home Country
United States
Current Location
United States
Just a suggestion . . .


She Still Cries

Young woman cries at the bus stop

About love?

Illness?

A lost mobile phone?

In another country

I would wipe her tears with my parched lips.

Here, I do not dare.

My hair is dark

Hers strawberry blonde.

My eyes the ploughed earth

Hers the blue sky.

She still cries

And I dare not kiss her cheek.
 
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