Would you correct this essay?

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aleycris

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Hello, it's me again. Now I wrote a argumentative composition.

Argumentative composition on the following topic:
Sending criminals to prison is a complete waste of time.

The crimes are growing every day in our city. Most of the criminals are not caught by the police, and the rest of then are sent to the prison.

To a certain extent, it is true that the criminals are sent to prison in order to be punished for their crimes. Some prisons are trying to re educate the prisoners to make them better persons.

On the other hand, the prisoners do not spend enough time in prison because there are few law that reduce their sentences. The main law is two per one, so if a criminal was sentence for 10 year, with this law the will only stay 5 years. Apart from that if the prisoner have a good conduct or perform, the sentence would be reduced more, so the criminal do not stay at prison enough time to be re educate.

Unfortunately, law are not equals for every person, so if you have a power you probably would not go to prison or you would stay few days. For this reason, sending criminal to prison is a waste of time because in few hours or days they would be free and they would make crimes again.

What do you thing about this?

Cheers
Alejandro
 

RonBee

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It looks good. That one is cleaner. You don't have so many extraneous words. It's easier to read. :D

The crimes are growing every day in our city. Most of the criminals are not caught by the police, and the rest of then are sent to the prison.

The term you are looking for is crime rate. For example:

  • The crime rate has been going up on a daily basis.

Or:

  • The crime rate has been steadily going up.

For the second sentence you want to say something like most crimes go unpunished or criminals are arrested and convicted for only a fraction of the crimes they commit.

I've got to go do something now.

:wink:
 

RonBee

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To a certain extent, it is true that the criminals are sent to prison in order to be punished for their crimes. Some prisons are trying to re educate the prisoners to make them better persons.

What is the main reason criminals are sent to prison? What is another one? What is the main reason that in some places they are trying to "re-educate" the prisoners?

:)
 
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aleycris

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Hi

What is the main reason criminals are sent to prison? What is another one?

I think that those question are not important to this topic because the main topic is "why sending criminals to prision is a waste of time". But if I have more word to complete the essay a put something about that. (the essay may have 150-200 words).

Do you think that is good or you find any mistake?

Regards.
 

RonBee

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aleycris said:
Hi

What is the main reason criminals are sent to prison? What is another one?

I think that those question are not important to this topic because the main topic is "why sending criminals to prision is a waste of time". But if I have more word to complete the essay a put something about that. (the essay may have 150-200 words).

Do you think that is good or you find any mistake?

Regards.

If you are going to argue that sending criminals to prison is a waste of time it is relevant to mention why they are sent to prison in the first place. You might also want to mention some alternative to imprisonment. If you think sending criminals to prison is a bad idea, perhaps you have something else in mind?

A restriction on the number of words you can use does limit what you can say. Are you using MSWord?

:)
 

RonBee

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On the other hand, the prisoners do not spend enough time in prison because there are few law that reduce their sentences. The main law is two per one, so if a criminal was sentence for 10 year, with this law the will only stay 5 years. Apart from that if the prisoner have a good conduct or perform, the sentence would be reduced more, so the criminal do not stay at prison enough time to be re educate.

  • On the other hand, because of laws that reduce their sentences, convicts do not spend enough time in prison. The main law is for two for one, meaning that if a criminal is sentenced to a ten-year term, with this law he will only stay five years. Also, if the criminal behaves himself in prison his sentence will be reduced more. Criminals do not stay in prison long enough to be re-educated.

You can say sentenced to a ten-year term or sentenced to a term of ten years or sentenced to prison for ten years.

Generally speaking, numbers one to ten are written out instead of expressed as numerals.

8)
 
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aleycris

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That's good.
I understand your idea:

If you are going to argue that sending criminals to prison is a waste of time it is relevant to mention why they are sent to prison in the first place. You might also want to mention some alternative to imprisonment. If you think sending criminals to prison is a bad idea, perhaps you have something else in mind?

What are you think if I change the first paragraph with this
The crime rate has been going up on a daily in our city. Most of the criminals go unpunished, and the rest of then are sent to the prison with the crimes that they committed.

And what do you think about the last paragraph.

Regards
 

RonBee

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aleycris said:
That's good.
I understand your idea:

If you are going to argue that sending criminals to prison is a waste of time it is relevant to mention why they are sent to prison in the first place. You might also want to mention some alternative to imprisonment. If you think sending criminals to prison is a bad idea, perhaps you have something else in mind?

What are you think if I change the first paragraph with this
The crime rate has been going up on a daily in our city. Most of the criminals go unpunished, and the rest of then are sent to the prison with the crimes that they committed.

And what do you think about the last paragraph.

Regards

Say the crime rate has been going up on a daily basis. Or say crime has been increasing steadily. I think the point you are trying to make in the second sentence is that criminals are, generally speaking, arrested for only a fraction of the crimes they commit, and they can, of course, only be sent to prison for the crimes they are arrested, tried (if there is a trial) and convicted for.

8)
 

RonBee

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Unfortunately, law are not equals for every person, so if you have a power you probably would not go to prison or you would stay few days. For this reason, sending criminal to prison is a waste of time because in few hours or days they would be free and they would make crimes again.

I think you should make two sentences out of that first sentence. Try:

  • Unfortunately, the law is not equal for every person. A powerful or infuential person can often avoid being sent to prison. The "prisons" they do get sent to are what in the USA are derisively called "country clubs".

Say: commit crimes.

Well, that's it.

:D
 
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