PLEASE check essay for IELTS

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tanya1985001

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Dear all,
I need to get 7 on writing in Acad IELTS. Could you please kindly help me and check my essay. Thank you very much in advance!;-);-)

Today more people are travelling than ever before. Why is this the case? What are the benefits of travelling?

It is undoubtedly the case that nowadays the is a growing trend for people to travel abroad due to globalization. People are travelling for various reasons. The following paper will demonstrate what these reasons are and provide several major advantages of this process.

To start with, there are several reasons for people to travel. Firstly, some of them go to another country for work, business and study, and some of them for tourism and even medical treatment. In business, it has become very popular nowadays for large corporations to have their branches overseas. As a result, managers of these companies are obliged to come there for various meetings. From educational point of view, some parents want for their children study abroad in prestigious International Universities to be able to be successful in the future in their career. A second reason of travelling in the fact that today travelling has become much cheaper compared to the past. Different travel agencies offer cheap tickets almost to every corner of the world. As a result, people have more opportunities to see different countries.

Moving to the benefits of the travelling, perhaps the most significant is that it is very fascinatingly to explore the world by visiting other countries rather that watching travel channel on TV about them. By travelling, people can meet new people, share their traditions with them and try their national food. In addition to that, they can meet new friends and even a learn new foreign language with them. For instance, when I was in Paris, France, I met one girl, who now one of my best friend and has teached me french language.

Overall, it in undoubtedly that travelling has become a very popular activity all around the world nowadays. The reason is that it is more available for everybody due to different offers of cheap tickets from various travel agencies. In addition to that, it is very interesting to see new countries. Mostly people travel for business, study and tourism. It helps them to explore the world, meet new friends and even learn a new foreign language.
 

tedmc

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[STRIKE]It is undoubtedly the case that[/STRIKE]Nowadays there is a growing trend for people to travel abroad due to globalization. People [STRIKE]are travelling[/STRIKE] travel for various reasons. [STRIKE]The following paper will demonstrate what these reasons are and provide several major advantages of this process. [/STRIKE]

[STRIKE]To start with, there are several reasons for people to travel.[/STRIKE] Firstly, [STRIKE]some of them[/STRIKE] people [STRIKE]go[/STRIKE] travel to [STRIKE]another country [/STRIKE] other countries for work, business and study, and some [STRIKE]of them[/STRIKE] for tourism and even medical treatment.

With a short essay like that, I think it is better to go straight to the point without unnecessary "padding".
Perhaps you should elaborate more on "globalisation" which make people want to travel.
 
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