[Essay] bot factory improved

[rodgers white]

Hi everyone, are there any mistakes or repetitions in this piece of writing? I'm grateful for any contribution.


************************************************** ************************************************** *****************

Rui may have decided not to dwell on the mysteriousness of some failures, but they were like an earworm that refused to leave him in peace. He was able to move on to other things, but their song kept playing in the back of his mind, occasionally popping back up to where he could not ignore them until he forcibly occupied his mind with more pertinent things. Rui improved his bot factory slowly at first the speed picking up exponentially as he improved his tools, techniques, and understanding of biology. Biology, it seemed, was the key, his first presumption that the mechanical and electrical were separate from the biological, appeared to be wrong, he needed to combine all of these things to accomplish his goals. Yang was a great help, he was someone with whom Rui could discuss ideas, and this helped him gain some clarity of thought.

 

[Tdol]

Biology, it seemed, was the key, his first presumption that the mechanical and electrical were separate from the biological, appeared to be wrong,

The punctuation could be worked on here.

 

[rodgers white]

The punctuation could be worked on here.

Thanks for reminding me with your thoughts. Maybe I can write like this: Biology, it seemed, was the key; his first presumption that the mechanical and electrical were separate from the biological, appeared to be wrong, so he needed to combine all of these things to accomplish his goals.

 

[Tarheel]

OK.

Rui is an android, right?

 

[teechar]

Rui improved his bot factory slowly at first the speed picking up exponentially as he improved his tools, techniques, and understanding of biology. Biology, it seemed, was the key, his first presumption that the mechanical and electrical were separate from the biological, appeared to be wrong, he needed to combine all of these things to accomplish his goals. Yang was a great help, he was someone with whom Rui could discuss ideas, and this helped him gain some clarity of thought.

Three more places to fix punctuation.

 

[rodgers white]

OK.Rui is an android, right?

Yes.

 

[rodgers white]

Three more places to fix punctuation.

Thank you, teechar. I rewrite it like this: ...Rui improved his bot factory slowly at first, the speed picking up exponentially as he improved his tools, techniques, and understanding of biology. Biology, it seemed, was the key; his first presumption that the mechanical and electrical were separate from the biological, appeared to be wrong, so he needed to combine all of these things to accomplish his goals. Yang was a great help because he was someone with whom Rui could discuss ideas, and this helped him gain some clarity of thought.

 

[teechar]

from the biological, appeared to be wrong

You need to remove that comma. Do you know why?

 

[rodgers white]

You need to remove that comma. Do you know why?

Thank you, teechar. I should not include a comma in this case because it adds a pause that creates distance between the subject and the predicate, just as you would not use a comma to separate a verb from its subject or object.