hafts of dawn light

[alpacinou]

Is this correct and natural

Shafts of dawn light ghosted in through the half-open window, catching her brown eyes. In them, Gary saw a vulnerability that she couldn't hide.

 

[Tarheel]

Is this correct and natural?

Shafts of dawn light ghosted in through the half-open window, catching her brown eyes. In them, Gary saw a vulnerability that she couldn't hide.

It's natural enough for creative writing.

 

[emsr2d2]

There's a letter missing from your title.

 

[Tarheel]

It's a new phrase.
;-)