[Essay] Help for Motivational Letter

Status
Not open for further replies.

aritahumolli

New member
Joined
Feb 28, 2017
Member Type
Student or Learner
Native Language
Albanian
Home Country
Kosovo
Current Location
Kosovo
Hello, I am new here and I need help to check my motivational letter for my university. If there is something wrong, or if there is something I need to add there.

Here is my motivational letter:

Dear Sir or Madam,
I am applying for the International Business Studies program at the RIT Croatia. I am exceptionally inspired by starting a vocation in business and I am sure that this present Bachelor's program will help me to satisfy myself in both expert and individual settings
I am currently finishing my last year of high school where I have to spent a lot of time and effort learning subjects which reflect my preferences and interests such as English language, History, and other subjects. I am also very interested in teamwork, and therefore participate in organizing school events and supporting friends and classmates. I have also participate in many different activities and I feel that these will be the way in which I can make a difference and gain the leadership skills necessary to reach my goals. I believe that if we pay attention to events and the simple things in our lives, we can grow up by learning and knowing from them. With time, I have understood this and I have tried to do the maximum in high school so that I can show my best from me.
After doing researches into the undergraduate study program in RIT Croatia I found it important and also interesting the four-year undergraduate International Business program that provides students with knowledge and understanding of the main economic functions and I believe that I can fit into it and I am ready to achieve my goals by studying here.
My current goal is to become a successful, independent young woman and I believe that this University will be a crucial part of me achieving my goal. Some experiences I would like to mention would be working as a sales person at a tiles retailer. Those experiences were a major source of how my self-esteem developed and I believe that my intentions would be continuously conscious of how the present moment relates to my values and goals.
Learning at RIT Croatia will help me to create myself and develop the initiative aptitudes essential for my future profession. I will figure out how to be capable for myself, as well as for the entire group, which I accept is basic for a business manager.
I comprehend that studying abroad will be the most challenging stride in my life so far, yet I likewise believe that I can face any problem and benefit as much as possible from the information and experience increased through this study program. I hope to contribute my talents and efforts to your university.
Thank you in advance for your consideration and time. I look forward to your positive response.
Yours sincerely,
Arita Humolli
 

teechar

Moderator
Staff member
Joined
Feb 18, 2015
Member Type
English Teacher
Native Language
English
Home Country
Iraq
Current Location
Iraq
Hello, I am new here and I need help [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] with checking my motivational letter for [STRIKE]my[/STRIKE] a university application. If there is something wrong, or if there is something I need to add there, please let me know.

Hello aritahumolli, and welcome to the forum. :hi:

Dear Sir or Madam,

I [STRIKE]am[/STRIKE] wish to apply [STRIKE]ing[/STRIKE] for the International Business Studies bachelor's program at the RIT Croatia. I am exceptionally inspired by starting a vocation in business, and I am sure that this [STRIKE]present Bachelor's[/STRIKE] program will help me reach my personal and professional development objectives. [STRIKE]to satisfy myself in both expert and individual settings[/STRIKE]

I am currently finishing my last year of high school where I have to spend a lot of time and effort learning subjects which reflect my preferences and interests such as English, [STRIKE]language,[/STRIKE] history, and maths. [STRIKE]other subjects.[/STRIKE] I am also very interested in teamwork and, therefore, participate in organizing school events and supporting friends and classmates. I have [STRIKE]also[/STRIKE] participated in many different activities [You should say what those are.] and I feel that these will be the way in which I can make a difference and gain the leadership skills necessary to reach my goals. I believe that if we pay attention to events and the simple things in our lives, we can grow up by learning and knowing from them. With time, I have understood this and I have tried to do the maximum in high school so that I can show my best from me. [Avoid waffle!]

After [STRIKE]doing researches into[/STRIKE] reading much about the undergraduate study program in RIT Croatia, I came to understand that your [STRIKE]found it important[/STRIKE] prestigious and [STRIKE]also[/STRIKE] interesting [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] four-year undergraduate International Business program [STRIKE]that[/STRIKE] provides students with essential knowledge and understanding of the main principles of economics and business, [STRIKE]functions[/STRIKE] and I believe that it is the perfect choice for me. I can fit into [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] the program, and I am ready to achieve my goals by studying here.

My current goal is to become a successful, independent young woman, and I believe that this university will be a crucial part of my professional development. [STRIKE]me achieving my goal.[/STRIKE] Some experiences I would like to mention would be working as a salesperson at a tiles retailer. [You said "experiences", but only talked about one.] Those experiences were a major [STRIKE]source of how[/STRIKE] factor in helping my confidence and self-esteem develop, and I believe that my intentions would be continuously conscious of how the present moment relates to my values and goals. [I have no idea what that means.]

Learning at RIT Croatia will help me to [STRIKE]create myself[/STRIKE] to acquire knowledge and develop the initiative spirit and aptitude essential for my future profession. I will figure out how to be capable for myself, as well as for the entire group, which I accept is basic for a business manager.[I have no idea what that means.]

I [STRIKE]comprehend[/STRIKE] am aware that studying abroad will be the most challenging [STRIKE]stride[/STRIKE] step in my life so far; yet, I likewise believe that I can face any problem and benefit as much as possible from the [STRIKE]information[/STRIKE] challenge and the experience [STRIKE]increased[/STRIKE] gained through this study program. I hope to be given the opportunity to contribute [STRIKE]my talents and efforts[/STRIKE] to your university.

Thank you in advance for your consideration and time, and I look forward to your positive response.


Yours sincerely,

Arita Humolli
You're welcome to post a revised version of that letter if you wish.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top