Hey guys could you have a look at the following paragraphs?

[TonyAsh01]

Hey guys could you have a look at the following paragraphs? it's for my statement of purpose for a graduate study in music technology. i could use some help!

For as long as i can remember, music has always been a prominent part of my life. My passion for music and sound developed when i was gifted my first programmable synthesizer, since then, my interest in technology has began to expand. suddenly i found myself reading more about synthesis methods and user manual of every synthesizer i get my hands on. being brought up by an xxxx diplomat father, i had the chance to travel and experience different cultures and its music traditions. which has built a deep appreciation for music instruments and a fascination for the science of sound.

Throughout my college years, i had the opportunity to study business administration and finance to grasp the fundamentals of business process while maintaining the development of my music knowledge. Post graduation, i’ve decided to take a gap year to research and experiment with sound design and recording process. However, at times, i’ve found myself struggling to create the sounds as accurate as the ones in my thoughts, Which led me to register for a course at XXXXX New York, an electronic music school. Now that i’ve completed the course, i was inspired to push myself to obtain a higher education in this field. my next step was to apply for my graduate studies.

I chose to apply for the Masters of Music technology program at XXXX to further attain my goals of understanding the link between performance of the musicians and the technical implementation of various stages of recording process. i wish to become a tonmeister to be able expand my creative horizon in sound art and technology. Furthermore, i would like to obtain an excellent audio engineer hearing to be able to render quality post-production that would eventually get me to the forefront of the music industry. I plan to use my expertise in the industry and expand further in my home country, where the music industry lacks professionalism. i plan to start a recording studio and record label to promote sound art and motion pictures. i realize that this would be a challenging task without the proper education and that is why
i’ve done my research and found XXX M.M in music technology program that suits me best.

Thank you very much!

 

[teechar]

[STRIKE]Hey guys[/STRIKE] Could you have a look at the following paragraphs, please? It's for my statement of purpose for a graduate study in music technology. I could use some help!

For as long as I can remember, music has always been a prominent part of my life. My passion for music and sound developed when I was gifted my first programmable synthesizer. Ever since then, my interest in technology has [STRIKE]began[/STRIKE] continued to expand. [STRIKE]suddenly[/STRIKE] I found myself reading more about synthesis methods and the user manual of every synthesizer I could get my hands on. Being the son/daughter of a diplomat, [STRIKE]brought up by an xxxx diplomat father,[/STRIKE] I had the chance to travel and experience different cultures and learn about and enjoy their [STRIKE]its[/STRIKE] music traditions, which [STRIKE]has built[/STRIKE] fostered in me a deep appreciation for musical instruments and a fascination for the science of sound.

Throughout my college years, I had the opportunity to study business administration and finance to grasp the fundamentals of business processes while maintaining the development of my musical knowledge. Post graduation, [STRIKE]i’ve[/STRIKE] I decided to take a gap year to research and experiment with sound design and recording processes. However, at times, [STRIKE]i’ve[/STRIKE] I found myself struggling to accurately create [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] sounds [STRIKE]as accurate as[/STRIKE] like the ones in my thoughts, which led me to register for a course at XXXXX New York, an electronic music school. Now that I’ve completed the course, I [STRIKE]was[/STRIKE] felt inspired to push myself to obtain a higher education qualification in this field. My next step [STRIKE]was[/STRIKE] became to apply for my graduate studies.

I chose to apply for the Masters of Music technology program at XXXX to further attain my goals of understanding the link between the performance of [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] musicians and the technical implementation of various stages of the recording process. I wish to become a tonmeister to be able to expand my creative horizons in sound art and technology. Furthermore, I would like to [STRIKE]obtain[/STRIKE] enhance my listening skills to become an excellent audio engineer [STRIKE]hearing[/STRIKE] so as to be able to render quality post-production that would eventually get me to the forefront of the music industry. I plan to use my expertise in the industry and expand further in my home country, where the music industry lacks professionalism. I plan to start a recording studio and record label to promote sound art and motion pictures. I realize that this would be a challenging task without the proper education and that is why I’ve done my research and found XXX M.M in music technology program [STRIKE]that[/STRIKE] suits me best.

Thank you very much!

Always capitalize the personal "I" regardless of its position in the text.