[Essay] Hey Teacher , Can you check my punctuation and grammer

[khaledbahnasy77]

hey can you please help me .. I registered in an university in Malaysia and they requested me to write an essay

Please write an essay ( in english ) of approximately 150 words , which will provide us with information about you that is not requested elsewhere in the IIUM application for admission , we're interested in learning about your educational goals and aspirations , your achievements and honours , your academic and religious background your special interests and experiences and anything else that you would like us to know about you , the student admission committee will use your essay to determine you ability in organizing your thoughts and the manner used in expressing clearly about yourself.

and that's my essay:

I was Born in Alexandria, Egypt and moved to Dammam, Saudi Arabia when I was less than two years old, I lived most of my life in Saudi Arabia,I am very positive, confident person and my nature is very good. Also, my strengths are high observation power, analysis, prediction, management, good team leader, honest & sincere. I belong to a family of Six members. My father is a plant manager. My mother is a housewife. My younger sister in 11st grade, my brother is in 10th Grade and finally my young sister is in 7th grade, my educational Goal is to get a Ph.D. from IIUM before I'm 30. My career aspirations are to find a motivating place of work, a place where I could use my knowledge, skills and abilities and improve. I would like to work with specialized workers , as I am a quick learner, serious and hard-working person, Personally the most significant achievement in my life that I have been listed as one of the best five students in the 12th grade. I studied at Saudi Arabian institute Secondary School in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. I'm a Muslim Sunni and I'm a religious Person that's why I chose IIUM, I memorized 5 ajzā. I've had many special interests, I am obsessed with learning foreign languages and I usually do weight lifting on weekends


so can you check if there's any grammar problem
Please help me i have 4 hours left thanks alot

 

[Tdol]

They will want to see your writing, not ours.

 

[tedmc]

Are you sure all that in the first paragraph were the exact words written by the university instructing you to write the essay? The whole paragraph in one continuous sentence? You have also followed suit by using commas between sentences, which is not correct,.