I'm trying to describe a situation when a person runs under the rain and their makeup

[alpacinou]

I'm trying to describe a situation when a person runs under the rain and their makeup is impacted.

Is this correct and natural?

Jane began wearing her makeup, applying a dusting of dark brown eye shadow. She rubbed her lips together after putting on the scarlet lipstick Harry had bought her. She left the office for her condo, an easy ten-minute walk. She strolled through the park that was located to the north of her office and south of her condo. The clouds appeared to have a pregnant charge. A small cat huddling under a bench caught Jane's attention. She bent down, and stroked it. Standing up, she felt the first drops of rain spraying her face, coating her tongue. Her eye-shadow was smudged by the water trickling down her face, painting her cheeks with a dark tint. He lipstick was smeared around lips and on her chin.

 

[Tdol]

How about staining her cheeks?

 

[5jj]

Standing up, she felt the first drops of rain spraying her face, coating her tongue.

Was she standing with her tongue out?

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

I'm trying to describe a situation when a person runs under the rain and their makeup is impacted.

Is this correct and natural?

Jane began putting on her makeup, applying a dusting of dark brown eye shadow. She rubbed her lips together after putting on the scarlet lipstick Harry had bought her. She left the office for her condo, an easy ten-minute walk. She strolled through the park [STRIKE]that was located[/STRIKE] to the north of her office and south of her condo. The clouds appeared to have a pregnant charge. A small cat huddling under a bench caught Jane's attention. She bent down[STRIKE],[/STRIKE] and stroked it.

No comma in a series of two: She (1) bent down and (2) stroked it.

Standing up, she felt the first drops of rain spraying her face, coating her tongue. Her eye-shadow was smudged by the water trickling down her face, painting her cheeks with a dark tint. He lipstick was smeared around her lips and on her chin.

The "tongue" part is odd. Does she always walk around with her tongue out? If not, you need to tell us she stuck her tongue out.