John stepped in the balcony.

[alpacinou]

Is this correct and natural?

John stepped in the balcony. He looked up at the sky. A few stars shone dimly amid the light pollution. The city was suffocated by traffic and smog. He thought about Mary and for a second a smile crossed his lips. Then he remembered Mary was marrying another man and the smile died on his lips.

 

[emsr2d2]

Is this correct and natural?

John stepped [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] onto the balcony. He looked up at the sky. A few stars shone dimly [STRIKE]amid[/STRIKE] above/through/despite the light pollution. The city was suffocated by traffic and smog. He thought about Mary and for a second a smile crossed his lips. Then he remembered Mary was marrying another man and the smile died. [STRIKE]on his lips.[/STRIKE]

See above.

You can step in a puddle or a pile of dog poo but not in a balcony.
The stars weren't shining amid pollution. That suggests that the light pollution was centred around the stars. I know light pollution's bad but it definitely doesn't reach as far into space as all the way to the stars!
Avoid repetition (his lips).

 

[alpacinou]

See above.

You can step in a puddle or a pile of dog poo but not in a balcony.
The stars weren't shining amid pollution. That suggests that the light pollution was centred around the stars. I know light pollution's bad but it definitely doesn't reach as far into space as all the way to the stars!
Avoid repetition (his lips).

Thank you. I want to keep the last sentence as it is. Can I use face to avoid repeating lips?

John stepped onto the balcony. He looked up at the sky. A few stars shone dimly through the light pollution. The city was suffocated by traffic and smog. He thought about Mary and for a second a faint smile crossed his face. Then he remembered Mary was marrying another man and the smile died on his lips.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

You can, but where else could it die?

 

[Tdol]

How about stepped out onto the balcony?