[Essay] My job

[ambitious-girl]

The following paragraph is about my career. I want to know if it has the good cohesion and coherence, and also how many mistakes there are in this short essay.

I love my job. I really enjoy it when I am at work and doing my tasks. However, I find it so challenging, as it requires a lot of concentration and determination, which sometimes makes me feel stressed. In other words, it is such a stressful job. Still, I have a friendly, comfortable, and
healthy working environment, and I get on really well with almost all of my colleagues as well. This has greatly increased my productivity during my working hours. In terms of salary, my job is great because it is a high paying job that almost meets my financial requirements. However, it has its disadvantages. The worst thing about my job is that I have to/must be on call and available for 7 days a week, 24 hours a day to respond to emergencies and then handle them if anything might go wrong with our servers. Similarly, I have to be sure that all of the servers are continuously available. However, I don't always have to be at work to solve these kinds of problems since I can do telecommuting.

 

[teechar]

I love my job. I really enjoy it when I am at work and doing my tasks. However, I find it so challenging, as it requires a lot of concentration and determination, which sometimes makes me feel stressed. In other words, it is such a stressful job. Still, I have a friendly, comfortable, and healthy work [STRIKE]ing[/STRIKE] environment, and I get on really well with almost all of my colleagues as well. This has greatly increased my productivity. [STRIKE]during my working hours.[/STRIKE] In terms of salary, my job is great because it is high paying [STRIKE]job that[/STRIKE] and almost meets my financial requirements. However, it has its disadvantages too. The worst thing about my job is that I have to/must be on call and available [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] 7 days a week, 24 hours a day to respond to emergencies and then handle them if anything [STRIKE]might[/STRIKE] goes wrong with our servers. Similarly, I have to [STRIKE]be[/STRIKE] make sure that all of the servers are always up. [STRIKE]continuously available.[/STRIKE] However, I don't always have to be at work to solve these kinds of problems since I can [STRIKE]do[/STRIKE] telecommute. [STRIKE]ing.[/STRIKE]

The sentence in blue is a damning comment about your job. I would remove it.

 

[ambitious-girl]

Thanks so much Teechar. Can I ask how is my writing level, and which part of my writing skill should be improved more?:-| Grammar or vocabulary?

And, in the Oxford collocation book: both "working" and "work" used as a collocation for the noun 'environment'. Can we use each of them interchangeably?

 

[teechar]

Thanks so much Teechar. Can I ask how is my writing level, and which part of writing [STRIKE]skill[/STRIKE] should I work on, [STRIKE]improve more?[/STRIKE] grammar or vocabulary?

You're doing well. Just keep writing.

And, in the Oxford Collocation Book, both "working" and "work" used as a collocation for the noun 'environment'. Can we use each of them interchangeably?

I prefer "work environment."

 

[ambitious-girl]

Just keep writing.

Can I post my other short essays here, or there is a limitation on the number of essays we can post every week?

 

[teechar]

You can, but start a new thread for each one, and wait for someone to respond to one essay before posting a new one.