people in Sweden preferred meat over seafood, with 23 percent and 65% preferred seafood in Philippines.

[mrmvp]

Are the two sentences correct? Do I have to add "at" before the percentage number in sentence two?

1.people in Sweden preferred meat over seafood, with 23 percent and 65% preferred seafood in Philippines.
2. 30 percent of people consumed soft drinks in The UK, and 35 percent consumed them in Sweden.

 

[teechar]

Are the two sentences correct? Do I have to add "at" before the percentage number in sentence two?

A percentage is a number!

1.people in Sweden preferred meat over seafood, with 23 percent and 65% preferred seafood in Philippines.

That's ungrammatical, and its meaning is unclear. What does the 23% refer to?

2. 30 percent of people consumed soft drinks in The UK, and 35 percent consumed them in Sweden.

That's clumsy. One reason is "consumed them" is unnatural here (we are not talking about particular drinks). Say, for example: "30% of people in the UK consumed soft drinks, whereas the figure for Sweden was (slightly higher, at) 35%". The part in parenthesis is optional.

 

[mrmvp]

Thank you. Your contributions are always helpful.

A percentage is a number!

That's ungrammatical, and its meaning is unclear. What does the 23% refer to?

Refer to Sweden.

That's clumsy. One reason is "consumed them" is unnatural here (we are not talking about particular drinks). Say, for example: "30% of people in the UK consumed soft drinks, whereas the figure for Sweden was (slightly higher, at) 35%". The part in parenthesis is optional.

What word can I use instead of "them"? repeating "soft drinks" ,I believe, weaken the coherence of the text.

30 percent of people consumed soft drinks in The UK, and 35 percent consumed in them Sweden.

 

[teechar]

30% of people in the UK and 35% of Swedes consumed soft drinks.
or
30% of people in the UK and 35% in Sweden consumed soft drinks.

What word can I use instead of "them"?

If you really insist, you can use "such drinks".

30 percent of people consumed soft drinks in The UK, and 35 percent consumed in them in Sweden.

I repeat. This is no good, and now you have a new error (the position of "in"). I know it sounds ridiculous, but in fact, "them" can refer to "people" in that sentence!

 

[Skrej]

Slightly wordier:

30% of people in the UK consumed soft drinks, while the number was 35% in Sweden.
30% of people in the UK consumed soft drinks, with 35% doing so in Sweden.

 

[mrmvp]

Slightly wordier:

30% of people in the UK consumed soft drinks, while the number was 35% in Sweden.
30% of people in the UK consumed soft drinks, with 35% doing so in Sweden.

The chart is in the past. Should I change " doing so" to " did so" ?

 

[emsr2d2]

The chart is in the past. Should I change "doing so" to "did so"?

Take care with your punctuation. Don't put a space after opening quotation marks. Don't put a space before a question mark.

If you change it, you'll need to add a semi-colon after "drinks" and remove "with".

30% of people in the UK consumed soft drinks; 35% did so in Sweden.

 

[White Hat]

30% of people in the UK consumed soft drinks, while the number was 35% in Sweden.

The term 'figure' can be used as well.

 

[jutfrank]

There are lots of ways to express what you mean. Here's what I'd suggest:

In the UK, 30% of people consumed soft drinks whereas in Sweden it was 35%.