[Essay] phony/poser

[contiluo]

Please help me make the paragraphs below sound natural. Thanks a lot.

Hello! I’m Vicky. I am a short girl, so my classmates always like to play jokes on me about it by saying “You will never grow taller anymore!”, but I believe I will be getting taller by eating right, getting plenty of sleep, and exercising my body I am an Aries. As everyone thinks, this kind of people is prone to be rather impulsive fiery-tempered, and I am not an exception. However, it’s not good to be easily angered. I always keep reminding myself to calm down when I blow up.

I have a distinctive, musical, and pleasant voice that is appealing to most listeners’ ears. When people heard my voice at the first time, most of them would say, “Is that her real voice?” They even thought that I was acting. Few days later, they did believe that it was my genuine voice because no one can act all day. I don’t like to be misunderstood because I’m not such a phony/poser. I am happy that people around me believe me and accept my natural voice.

 

[teechar]

Who wrote this, and how old is this girl?

 

[contiluo]

She is a 15-year-old girl who wrote this self introduction.

 

[teechar]

[STRIKE]She is[/STRIKE] A 15-year-old girl [STRIKE]who[/STRIKE] wrote this self introduction.

If she's a student of yours, I suggest you find out whether she's being bullied at school, and if so, immediately take steps to stop it. It is your responsibility as a teacher to protect your students from aggression and bullying. You need to explain to her that it is completely unacceptable to tease people about anything, including their stature or physique. I was alarmed when I read the first part. In fact, that kind of thing could be an indirect (subconscious) cry for help. Please talk to that girl and find out more! Post back, and I'll be delighted to help you and her with writing.

 

[contiluo]

Thanks for your sincere suggestion. The girl is not being bullied at school. Actually, she gets along well with her classmates and always have a nice smile. She is a helpful, cheerful girl. She was short before, but now is getting much taller than what she used to be. She is a people person and everyone likes her; however, I just don't understand why she describes herself as an easily angered girl. On the other hand, she possesses a unique, distinctive, but pleasant voice which is very sweet-sounding. The speciality of her voice, however, becomes her strength, especially when she does an oral reading or gives a speech. Perhaps she is influenced by the sub-culture of junior high school, so she writes it in a comical tone.

 

[teechar]

Hello! I’m Vicky. I am a little short, [STRIKE]girl, so[/STRIKE] and some of my classmates [STRIKE]always like to play jokes on me[/STRIKE] tease me about it by saying “You will never grow taller anymore!”, but I believe I will [STRIKE]be[/STRIKE] get/grow [STRIKE]ting[/STRIKE] taller by eating right, getting plenty of sleep, and exercising my body. I am an Aries and so can [STRIKE]As everyone thinks, this kind of people is prone to[/STRIKE] be rather impulsive and fiery-tempered. [STRIKE], and I am not an exception.[/STRIKE] However, it’s not good to be easily angered. I always keep reminding myself to calm down when I start feeling irritated and about to blow up.

I have a distinctive, musical, and pleasant voice that is appealing to most listeners’ ears. When people hear my voice [STRIKE]at[/STRIKE] for the first time, most (of them) would say, “Is that her real voice?” They even [STRIKE]thought[/STRIKE] suspect that I was acting. After a while, [STRIKE]Few days later,[/STRIKE] they [STRIKE]did believe[/STRIKE] accept that it [STRIKE]was my[/STRIKE] is genuinely my voice because no one can act all day. I don’t like to be misunderstood, because I’m not [STRIKE]such[/STRIKE] a phony or a poser. I am happy that people around me believe me and accept my natural voice.

.

 

[yi-ing]

However, it’s not good to be easily angered. I always keep reminding myself to calm down when I start feeling irritated and about to blow up.

The mentioned bold sentence is a little bit confusing. How it will be like if we are expanding it? Do the following make any sense?
I always keep reminding myself to calm down when I start feeling irritated and (when I start feeling) about to blow up.

Is "Feeling about to do something" a common expression? what does it mean?

 

[teechar]

The mentioned bold sentence is a little bit confusing. How [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] will it be like if we [STRIKE]are[/STRIKE] expand [STRIKE]ing[/STRIKE] it? Do the following make any sense?

I always keep reminding myself to calm down when I start feeling irritated and [STRIKE](when I start feeling)[/STRIKE] when I am about to blow up.

The red part is implied. Note the parallel "start" and "am" in the present simple.

 

[yi-ing]

So interesting point !
Can we remove "to be" verb completely in parallel structure? I didn't know about it before.

Here, Do 'when' imply here?
I always keep reminding myself to calm down when I start feeling irritated and I am about to blow up.

And is the following is wrong?
I always keep reminding myself to calm down when I start feeling irritated and am about to blow up.

 

[teechar]

That's an [STRIKE]So[/STRIKE] interesting point! [or "What an interesting point!"]
Can we remove "to be" verb completely in parallel structures? I didn't know about it before.

It's possible in the above.

[STRIKE] Here, Do 'when' imply here?[/STRIKE]
Is "when" implied before "I am" in the sentence below?
I always keep reminding myself to calm down when I start feeling irritated and I am about to blow up.

Yes, it is.

And is the following [STRIKE]is[/STRIKE] wrong?
I always keep reminding myself to calm down when I start feeling irritated and am about to blow up.

No, it's not wrong.