Please check out my essay (TOEFL)

[moha27]

Some people visit museum before when they travel a new place. Why do you think people visit museum? use specific reasons and examples to support your idea.

Everyone like to travel new place; want of wonder of new things. People spend their free time to go out with friends and family, enjoy free watching artifacts of the museums. I do like to visit before visit a new place because of full fill my knowledge and for enjoyment which i will explore in the following essay.

To the beginning, to see artifacts in a museum is one of my expectation to travel ; it helps to increase knowledge and fulfill desire. The exhibited things bear different story; which i have read the particular description in the history book. To look up the things, it palliates the desire to know the unknown.As an example, i visited the Paharput Bodho Bihar, world heritage site situated in Bangladesh, last year. I have read history of Bodho and their activities before visiting the place. This event fills the gap between the reading and see it own eyes which aroused after reading.

secondly, the sophisticated things in the museums represent the country or place, people should know it before go out. In our nation exhibition, there are many things which represent the culture and commons foods. The artificial garments and wood furniture give the idea about our ongoing life. Different kind of animals and foods also show the idea available in our country. They take up meal and test it own self by asking in the restaurants. So visitors can search the desired things projected in the museum.

Thirdly, museums in the place where the past and recent things still available to enjoy. The past put out the past culture whereas new things new cultures. So with the change of time how the culture trends change, it is easy to guess. Within a short time it helps me to learn a lot about the place and culture- interesting place and people's daily life.

To sum it up, travel to museums before visiting a new place is very important for people. Because people easily get a concise idea of the place so that it makes their journey more joyous and purposeful.

 

[teechar]

Some people visit museum before when they travel a new place. Why do you think people visit museum? use specific reasons and examples to support your idea.

Where did you get this question from? It is unnatural and ungrammatical. I don't understand what "before" is doing there?

Everyone like to travel new place; want of wonder of new things. People spend their free time to go out with friends and family, enjoy free watching artifacts of the museums. I do like to visit before visit a new place because of full fill my knowledge and for enjoyment which i will explore in the following essay.

Did you use Google to translate some (or all) of that?

To the beginning, to see artifacts in a museum is one of my expectation to travel ; it helps to increase knowledge and fulfill desire. The exhibited things bear different story; which i have read the particular description in the history book. To look up the things, it palliates the desire to know the unknown.As an example, i visited the Paharput Bodho Bihar, world heritage site situated in Bangladesh, last year. I have read history of Bodho and their activities before visiting the place. This event fills the gap between the reading and see it own eyes which aroused after reading.

That example is off topic; it's a world heritage site, not a museum.

secondly, the sophisticated things in the museums represent the country or place, people should know it before go out. In our nation exhibition, there are many things which represent the culture and commons foods. The artificial garments and wood furniture give the idea about our ongoing life. Different kind of animals and foods also show the idea available in our country. They take up meal and test it own self by asking in the restaurants. So visitors can search the desired things projected in the museum.

Again, this is very difficult to understand and follow.

Thirdly, museums in the place where the past and recent things still available to enjoy. The past put out the past culture whereas new things new cultures. So with the change of time how the culture trends change, it is easy to guess. Within a short time it helps me to learn a lot about the place and culture- interesting place and people's daily life.

I don't know what the theme of that paragraph is meant to be.

To sum it up, travel to museums before visiting a new place is very important for people. Because people easily get a concise idea of the place so that it makes their journey more joyous and purposeful.

I don't understand that too.

 

[moha27]

The question I found in the TOEFL essay poll, ETS TOEFL guide. Here, "before" means visit museum at first.
Thanks for 3nd correction.
I think 4th point is quite right though have a little bit of grammatical error and wrong words choice. (Secondly,.............people should go to nearby museum before visiting.)

 

[moha27]

I don't understand that too.

Where is the problem would you point out it ?

 

[emsr2d2]

Where is the problem? Would you point it out? [strike]it ?[/strike]

See above.

As teechar said, the question is very poor. It is ungrammatical and contains errors. It should be something like:

Some people visit a museum when they travel to a new place. Why do you think people visit museums? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

It's not even clear whether the question is simply "Why do people visit museums?" or specifically "Why do people visit museums when they travel to a new place?"

I don't even agree with the basic premise. There are lots of museums but plenty of people visit towns/cities/countries without visiting a museum.

 

[DavidIR]

I would recommend you not to post your essays online. Cause I'm not sure your paper will pass plagiarism check. As to your essay: be creative! Why not to make an unexpected ending for your paper? Also you can follow these simple steps while editing and proofreading it. ;-)