[Essay] Please check this essay, and please give me your opinion without compliments.

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mo7hsin97

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“Have you seen my bear Tibbers?” said Annie.
Annie was a five years old child who had some issues, (mental issues), since she was born. Some people suggest that she is crazy, but in fact she was born having an imaginary friend whose name was tibbers according to Annie. People at that time didn’t know that imaginary friends existed. Imaginary friends are phenomena that have benefits, disadvantages and causes.

Imaginary friends have proven to be beneficial for children. First of all, imaginary friends may boost ones confidence in him. It may give a sense of confidence in the child. This small boost in confidence can be helpful for children when they perform in school plays on the theater. “The invisible network allows you to gain confidence by thinking of being supported by your personal heroes” (Blackett, 2011, p. 410)
Second of all, imaginary friends may help in building someone’s character. Imaginary friends may help children to develop their character by providing the children with proper love and passion. It also may give the child a sense of importance when his imaginary friend cheers him.
Last but not least, children may play with their imaginary friend to escape boredom. When an only child wants to play when he is alone due to his parents at job, he will not find any one to play with so he will play with his imaginary friend.
In conclusion, children with imaginary friends have more benefits than normal children.

Everything has advantage and disadvantages. Imaginary friends also have disadvantages. First of all, Children with imaginary friends tend to isolate themselves from society. This is a huge problem because children will lose their communicating skills with other children.
Secondly, Children put the blame of their actions on their imaginary friend. Children will use their imaginary friends to escape from Reality. Children will say ‘It was him and point into nowhere’ referring to their imaginary friend.
Lastly, Children may creep out other people near them by saying ‘he is watching you.’ A story was told that there is a young child that has imaginary friend called John. This child was very scared to sleep at night because his imaginary friend will show him visions of people being killed, and john was insisting the child to kill his family (Based on a real Story).
In a conclusion, Children interactions with imaginary friends have disadvantages.

There are several causes of having imaginary friends. First of all, Children will tend to create imaginary friends if they don’t receive proper love from their parents or their friends. Lack of love can lead to serious mental problems.
Secondly, children who have mental issues tend to create imaginary friends. Children with mental issues need attention, and if they don’t find that attention they will create imaginary friends to gain attention even if it’s unreal.
Lastly, children who don’t have friends or siblings will create imaginary friends to fill that hole that they have.
In a conclusion, Creation of imaginary friends has causes which are needed get attention to.

In a conclusion, people learned that, what an imaginary friend is, and what the benefits, disadvantages and causes are. It’s suggested that children must find friends to play with, or they can create imaginary friends, but they need to be taught that imaginary friends are unreal, and they shouldn’t be treated as people.
 

Tarheel

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I was drawn to this by the title. (You don't want any compliments?)

“Have you seen my bear Tibbers?” said Annie.
Annie was a five-year-old child who had had some issues, (mental issues), since she was born. Some people said that she was crazy, but in fact she was born having an imaginary friend whose name was Tibbers according to Annie. People at that time didn’t know that imaginary friends existed. Imaginary friends are phenomena that have benefits, disadvantages and causes.

You need to fix that last sentence. Imaginary friends do not have benefits or disadvantages (or advantages, for that matter). On the other hand, considering what comes after, you don't need that sentence at all.



More later.
 

Tarheel

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Imaginary friends have proven to be beneficial for children. First of all, imaginary friends may boost a child's confidence. [STRIKE]It may give a sense of confidence in the child.[/STRIKE] This small boost in confidence can be helpful for children when they perform in school plays [STRIKE]on the theater[/STRIKE]. “The invisible network allows you to gain confidence by thinking of being supported by your personal heroes” (Blackett, 2011, p. 410)

You use "secondly" at least two times. You use "in conclusion" at least three times. You don't need "in conclusion" at all. When somebody is reading a text they can tell when it ends just by looking at it.
:)
 

Tarheel

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Second of all, imaginary friends may help in building someone’s character. Imaginary friends may help children to develop [STRIKE]their[/STRIKE] character by providing the children with proper love and attention. It also may give the child a sense of importance when his imaginary friend cheers him.

So the attention child gets from his or her imaginary friend is at least as good as the attention he would get from a real person?
:)
 

Tarheel

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Don't use second unless you use first. Also, don't use first unless you use second.
:)
 
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