[Essay] Please point our errors. Boys are most influenced by their fathers and girls are mo

[fahad_a11]

Please point our errors.

Boys are most influenced by their fathers and girls are most influenced by their mothers. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons to support your opinion.

There is no doubt that parents are the best mentors for their children. Children learn utmost by observing and doing of their parents. Afterwards, they start implementing these learned behaviors in their practical lives. Fathers are source of inspiration for boys and girls are substantially affected by their mothers in most. I believe that such practices are commonly found and adapted all over the world.

It is evident that children start leaning from their homes. For instance, in Pakistan it is common habit of fathers to indulge their sons while doing basic chores of the home. Apart from that fathers also helped their children in their education curriculum and try to boost their lofty ambitions. This leaves undeniable impression on their thought and they want to become and act same as their father. This is also one of the reasons boy s adopt same professional path as their father had.

Girls are mostly inspired by their mother because they are more friendly and trustworthy towards each other. Mother could teach various ups and downs of life, which is complex job for others to teach. In Pakistan mothers trained their daughters by involving and giving responsibilities of many house works. In addition to this, girls shared their personal experiences with their mothers and hence formed strong bonding with each other.

In conclusion I believe that parents are best inspiration for their children. There is no alternative to their true love, care and dedication for their children and their effort should be commendable.

 

[Raymott]

Unfortunately, your introductory sentence and your conclusion don't address the question.
You need a comma between "boys and girls" for reasons that I hope are obvious to you on a second reading.

Off topic - Unfortunately, in some places in the West only half of boys have access to a father. This is one of the social triumphs of the last half century.

 

[fahad_a11]

You are right. I am working hard but still unable to find any luck.

thanks for your time and efforts.

 

[Raymott]

I think you are improving, but you need to be patient as well.

 

[fahad_a11]

Improvement in what?

 

[Raymott]

You are improving in the way you structure your argument. You have an introduction paragraph that states your argument; you have several paragraphs that give evidence for your argument; and you (usually) give a conclusions that wraps it up. Your conclusion this time was faulty though.
Bear in mind that you have grammatical and usage errors as well - you won't always get these corrected. Also, no matter how good you become, you'll still get corrections. So, the fact that you get as many corrections each time you post, is not an indication that you are not improving. It's just that people are giving you higher level corrections.

 

[fahad_a11]

Right. Its mean I should keep on writing for more improvement. Thank you for encouraging me.