Recent Milestones

[Economist2010]

Hi all,

I appreciate your kind help on the below e-mail. I am going to send it to a CEO. I wonder if you could re-write it in your own way.

Note: The CEO is English native speaker.

"I would like to share with you my recent milestones in how making IPay ranks the first among other mobile wallets in Iraq and how I turned the main challenge of low adoption, lack of awareness into opportunities. Along with that, adopted data monetization to maximize revenues:

Awarness Campaign:
Launched an aggressive awareness campaign to generate the outcome of boosting the public awareness of the product, and educating individuals how it is relevant, secured and available everywhere and to get more people to take action.
The campaign reach was 1.4M and the link of it is below.

Developing the Dashboard:
Enhanced the dashboard to provide not only basic performance insights but also complete visibility and real-time analytics of the data, industry benchmarks, powerful analysis to maximize and monetize our diverse data."

 

[Tdol]

in how making IPay ranks the first among other mobile wallets

in making IPay first among mobile wallets

 

[emsr2d2]

It's written "iPay" (lowercase "i", uppercase "P"). I've looked online to see if I can find a company or an app that uses the uppercase "I" but found nothing. If you're going to write to a CEO, it's very important to get the name of the company or the product right!

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Hi all,

I appreciate your kind help on the below e-mail. I am going to send it to a CEO. I wonder if you could re-write it in your own way.

Note: The CEO is English native speaker.

[STRIKE]"[/STRIKE]I would like to share with you my recent milestones in [STRIKE]how[/STRIKE] making iPay [STRIKE]ranks the[/STRIKE] first among [STRIKE]other[/STRIKE] mobile wallets in Iraq and how I turned the main challenges of low adoption and lack of name recognition into opportunities while adopting data monetization to maximize revenues:

Do you mean adopting (using) or adapting (altering)?

Awarness Campaign:

Launched an aggressive awareness campaign to boost public awareness of the product, [STRIKE]and[/STRIKE] educating individuals how it is relevant, secure, and available everywhere, to get more people to take action.
The campaign reach was 1.4 million. A link [STRIKE]of it[/STRIKE] is below.

Developing the Dashboard:

Enhanced the dashboard to provide not only basic performance insights but also complete visibility and real-time analytics of the data, industry benchmarks, and powerful analysis to maximize and monetize our diverse data.[STRIKE]"[/STRIKE]

Is this CEO the head of the human resource manager's company, or is this a different company?

Review the use of quotation marks.

 

[Economist2010]

Is this CEO the head of the human resource manager's company, or is this a different company?


Review the use of quotation marks.

Thanks Charlie.

Regarding your first question, I meant "adopting "

Regarding the second question, the CEO is not the head of HR

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

. . . Regarding the second question, the CEO is not the head of HR.

A sentence is not a sentence until you punctuate the end of it! ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS punctuate the ends of sentences!

(If you're still confused, look up the word always.)

Read my question again. I was asking whether it's the same company, not the same person.

 

[Economist2010]

Read my question again. I was asking whether it's the same company, not the same person.

It's a different company.