The Bear Part two

[Bassim]

Would you please correct my mistakes in the second part of my short story?

Now that the authorities had obtained his DNA, they decided to tranquillize all the bears in the area and take their DNA in the hope to find the match. But after all the samples had been checked, they had to admit that the match was not found. They concluded that the bear had certainly wandered away somewhere, and that the national park was safe again. The life went back to normal for everyone but for Pablo, who had become a changed man. He did not dare come near the woods. Smile was wiped off his face; his eyes lost their sparkle. He would wake up in the middle of the night from the nightmare in which he was pleading with the bear for his life.

Pablo could not get out of his head the voice of the animal who spoke as if he were a human being, and even was polite. He fascinated him and frightened him at the same time. He would like to talk to him again, to give him more sweets, and to ask him where he had learnt the language, but he was also reminded that most probably the bear had killed a human being. The more time passed, the more aloof he became, and if he walked through the village people would shake their heads and thought pity of him. Small children shouted “Bear”at him, but Pablo didn’t react and walked as in a dream.

A couple of months after the incident, two woodcutters were working in the woods beside the path when they spotted a bear cycling on a mountain bike. He wore a pair of sunglasses and blue Adidas jogging shoes, the same items that Diego had worn on the day of his disappearance. The two men were immediately paralysed with fear, and they silently watched as the bear made his way towards them, a gold necklace sparkling on his hairy body. He halted, and turning to one of the workers said in a perfect Madrid accent, “Give me your sandwich, please.” He stretched out his paw towards one of the workers, who started to tremble like an oak leaf. For a moment, he saw his widowed wife and six fatherless children crying over his coffin. With his shaky hand the worker took the sandwich out of a plastic bag and put it in the mighty paw. The bear said, “Thank you very much,” and then removed a wrapper with ease, as if he had done that many times before. He shoved the sandwich into his huge mouth and swallowed it in one gulp before cycling away down the path. When the two men partly recovered from the shock, they ran as if chased by the devil.

With their eyes bulging with fear, they recounted the details of the encounter to the villagers and promised never to go back to the woods, not for any money in the world. This time people didn’t wait for the authorities to organise the hunt, but they spontaneously gathered in the main square armed with spades, pitchforks, axes, mallets and steel bars, and went straight into the woods. Unfortunately, even this time their search was fruitless. They returned to the village without the bear but with Pablo’s bicycle and a pair of sunglasses that belonged to missing Diego. They were sent to a laboratory for the analysis, and the results were positive. The same bear who had worn the Adidas cap had also used the bicycle and the sunglasses.
TO BE CONTINUED

 

[Tdol]

I'd use in the hope of finding.

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Would you please correct my mistakes in the second part of my short story?

Now that the authorities had obtained his DNA, they decided to tranquillize all the bears in the area and take their DNA in the hope of finding a match. But after all the samples had been checked, they had to admit that a match was not found. They concluded that the bear had certainly wandered away somewhere[STRIKE],[/STRIKE] and that the [STRIKE]national[/STRIKE] park was safe again. [STRIKE]The[/STRIKE] Life went back to normal for everyone but [STRIKE]for[/STRIKE] Pablo, who had become a changed man. He did not dare go near the woods. The smile was gone his face; his eyes lost their sparkle. He would wake up in the middle of the night from a nightmare in which he was pleading with the bear for his life.

Pablo could not get out of his head the voice of the animal who spoke as if it were a human being, and even was polite. It fascinated him and frightened him at the same time. He would like to talk to the bear again, to give it more sweets, and to ask it where he had learnt the language, but he was also reminded that most probably the bear had killed a human being. The more time passed, the more distant he became, and if he walked through the village, people would shake their heads and [STRIKE]thought[/STRIKE] pity [STRIKE]of[/STRIKE] him. Small children shouted “Bear” [space] at him, but Pablo didn’t react and walked as in a dream.

A couple of months after the incident, two woodcutters were working in the woods beside the path when they spotted a bear cycling on a mountain bike. It wore a pair of sunglasses and blue Adidas jogging shoes, the same items that Diego had worn on the day of his disappearance. The two men were immediately paralysed with fear, and they silently watched as the bear made its way towards them, a gold necklace sparkling on his hairy body. He halted, and turning to one of the workers, said in a perfect Madrid accent, “Give me your sandwich, please.” He stretched out his paw towards one of the workers, who started to tremble like a[STRIKE]n oak[/STRIKE] leaf. For a moment, he saw his widowed wife and six fatherless children crying over his coffin. With his shaky hand the worker took the sandwich out of a plastic bag and put it in the mighty paw. The bear said, “Thank you very much,” and then removed a wrapper with ease, as if he had done that many times before. It shoved the sandwich into its huge mouth and swallowed it in one gulp before cycling away down the path. When the two men partly recovered from the shock, they ran as if chased by the devil.

With their eyes bulging with fear, they recounted the details of the encounter to the villagers and promised never to go back to the woods, not for any money in the world. This time people didn’t wait for the authorities to organise the hunt, but they spontaneously gathered in the main square armed with spades, pitchforks, axes, mallets and steel bars, and went straight into the woods. Unfortunately, even this time their search was fruitless. They returned to the village without the bear but with Pablo’s bicycle and a pair of sunglasses that belonged to missing Diego. They were sent to a laboratory for the analysis, and the results were positive. The same bear who had worn the Adidas cap had also used the bicycle and the sunglasses.
TO BE CONTINUED

You still haven't established that the bear is male (other than by using male pronouns). Until you do, I recommend calling it it.

 

[Bassim]

Charlie,
I have written in the Part one this sentence: "After days of search, they found only a white Adidas cap with some hairs clinging to it. Their analysis confirmed Pablo’s story: they belonged to a male bear about eight years of age."

So it is known that the bear is male.

I believe you missed the preposition "from" in the sentence "The smile was gone his face."

 

[Charlie Bernstein]

Charlie,
I have written in the Part one this sentence: "After days of search, they found only a white Adidas cap with some hairs clinging to it. Their analysis confirmed Pablo’s story: they belonged to a male bear about eight years of age."

So it is known that the bear is male.

I believe you missed the preposition "from" in the sentence "The smile was gone his face."

Good on both counts!