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1 Post By sarat_106
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Help me make it bit shorter
I have given three attempts but still it seen bit big please help me to cut down and make it shorter but without losing the essence and all vital informastion
The reins of the company are in the hands of Mr. Lokesh Bali, a veteran of Celebrity management, who has been in the field of Bollywood since 1993. He had produced Zaalim starring Akshay Kumar, Superhit Masoom, associated with the production of X-Zone (Episode – I). Hence, he has_goodwill in the Bollywood, the most vibrant (artistic) brush to paint success with precision. He had successfully executed events both in India and abroad, like "Nayaa Andaaz"a big event in Surat, a Punjabi comedy show telecasted on Doordarshan channel, many successful documentaries; one of them was "HATYA," movie based on environment and communal harmony.Currently,he is looking after AKshay Kumar’s business & managing his venture - Paint Arts.
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Re: Help me make it bit shorter

Originally Posted by
Gillnetter
This isn't any shorter but it is clearer.
Mr. Lokesh Bali manages the company. Mr. Bali, a veteran of celebrity management, has been associated with Bollywood since 1993. He has produced, “Zaalim”, which starred Akshay Kumar. He also produced the super hit, “Masoom”, and worked on the production of,”X-Zone” (Episode 1). He has goodwill in Bollywood and is seen as one of the most vibrant and precise artists working in that field. He had successfully executed events both in India and abroad, such as, "Nayaa Andaaz", a Punjabi comedy show telecasted on the Doordarshan channel. He also has worked on many successful documentaries including, “HATYA”, a movie based on environmental and communal harmony. Currently, he is managing Akshay Kumar’s business and managing his venture, Paint Arts.
can I write the first sentence as
Mr. Lokesh Bali manages the company, a veteran of celebrity management, has been associated with Bollywood since 1993.
I think it is not necessary to repeat the name again.
the second sentence as
He has produced, “Zaalim”, which starred Akshay Kumar, the super hit, “Masoom”, ....
deleting he also produced would help me to reduce it further
the last thing i would like to ask..is it wrong to write in past tense as...he had produced movies....I used past tense because we are talking about the movies gone by...Kindly help
Last edited by new2grammar; 24-Mar-2010 at 03:44.
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Re: Help me make it bit shorter

Originally Posted by
new2grammar
I have given three attempts but still it seen bit big please help me to cut down and make it shorter but without losing the essence and all vital informastion
The reins of the company are in the hands of Mr. Lokesh Bali, a veteran of Celebrity management, who has been in the field of Bollywood since 1993. He had produced Zaalim starring Akshay Kumar, Superhit Masoom, associated with the production of X-Zone (Episode – I). Hence, he has_goodwill in the Bollywood, the most vibrant (artistic) brush to paint success with precision. He had successfully executed events both in India and abroad, like "Nayaa Andaaz"a big event in Surat, a Punjabi comedy show telecasted on Doordarshan channel, many successful documentaries; one of them was "HATYA," movie based on environment and communal harmony.Currently,he is looking after AKshay Kumar’s business & managing his venture - Paint Arts.
You can try this version:
The company is managed and controlled by Mr. Lokesh Bali, a veteran of Celebrity management, who has been in Bollywood since 1993. Having produced Zaalim starring Akshay Kumar and Superhit Masoom, he got associated with the production of X-Zone (Episode – I). With his goodwill in Bollywood that acts as the most vibrant (artistic) brush to paint success with precision, he had successfully executed events both in India and abroad. "Nayaa Andaaz"a big event in Surat, is a Punjabi comedy show telecasted on Doordarshan channel followed by many successful documentaries; "HATYA," is one such movie based on environment and communal harmony. Currently,he looks after AKshay Kumar’s business & manages his venture - Paint Arts.
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