Small essay, please comment on it.

[rashidjon]

Dear Teacher,
Thank you for your help. Next month i am going to take IELTS exam. So i have to improve my writing skills. The best way, on my opinion is to practice. Here my short essay, which will be followed by bigger ones.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My thoughts about learning a foreign language.
Language learning is a long and difficult process. From my own experience I can say that only hard work and great desire to learn a foreign language contributes to that process.

On my opinion, the best way to learn any foreign language is fully dedicate yourself to chosen language. A person should always try to speak, think and even dream, furthermore, all our thoughts should be about new language.

Active communicating is another reputable way to learn a language. It is no secret that many people find it difficult to communicate with native speakers. They are afraid of making mistakes whie speaking and think that people might laugh at them. This is called a language barrier. Unless, a person will not be able to overcome this language barrier, communicating always will be problem for them.

Never afraid to speak your mind, with practice and hard work you will find that learning foreign language is a great pleasure.

[Raymott]

My thoughts about learning a foreign language.
Language learning is a long and difficult process. From my own experience, I can say that only hard work and a great desire to learn a foreign language contributes to that process.
[See below]
In my opinion, the best way to learn any foreign language is to fully dedicate yourself to the chosen language. A person should always try to speak, think and even dream, furthermore, all our thoughts should be about in the new language.
[You've already covered 'thoughts' with 'think'. Besides, what you've written is not grammatical.]

Active communicating is another reputable way to learn a language.
[But you said that only hard work and a great desire contribute to the language-learning process. Now you're saying that communicating can also contribute. You could fix this by changing the opening sentence to say that hard work and a desire to learn are necessary, thus leaving open the possibility of adding something else that also contributes.]
It is no secret that many people find it difficult to communicate with native speakers. They are afraid of making mistakes while speaking and think that people might laugh at them. This is called a language barrier. Unless, a person will not be is able to overcome this language barrier, communicating will always be a problem for them.
[Review the use of 'unless']

Never be afraid to speak your mind. With practice and hard work you will find that learning a foreign language is a great pleasure.
[You can't join two sentences with a comma in English. You can join two closely related sentences with a semicolon or a dash. But in this case, a new sentence would be better.]

Your English expression is good. You need to think about articles a bit more.
I don't know how much logic contributes to the exam results. Many students writing these essays put their foot in it by using terms like 'always', 'never', 'only', and then contradicting themselves later in the essay. Remember that if you make a strong, categorical statement at the beginning of an essay, you shouldn't go back on that opinion later.

[rashidjon]

Thanks a lot for your help. I will defenitely follow your comments. My target is to get 8 band in IELTS.
Wish me good luck :))