Another IELTS letter, pls can u check it, thanks a lot

[rashidjon]

Your neighborhood has become increasingly unsafe and you feel the police are not providing adequate protection.

Write a letter to the local police station. Explain the situation and say how you feel about it. Tell them what you would like them to do about it.

Dear Sir/Madam,

I am writing to complain about the situation in my neighborhood. Recently the situation here has become increasingly unsafe and I think that police are not providing sufficient protection for the local people.

My neighborhood was once considered to be one of the safest places in a town. Unfortunately, last week there was a robbery in our local shop. It happened during lunch time. Two masked men, armed with a gun and hand grenade stormed to the shop. They threatened to kill everyone at she shop, besides, they beat shop assistant, took money form cashiers desk and disappeared. The police unit came to the shop 35 minutes after the incident.

Furthermore, four days ago my neighbor was returning late from his work, a person attacked him from behind. He was beaten very badly and robbed. After the incident he was taken to the hospital and unfortunately, the police still did not approach that case.

In addition to that, there were at least three housebreaking attempts in my neighborhood during the last two weeks. All these cases were reported to the police, but we still do not see any action taken by police.

After these unpleasant events people in my neighborhood feel themselves unsafe. Unless appropriate actions are not enforced in place, any one in our neighborhood might become a victim of the gang groups.

I would like you to take these issues very seriously. Our safety in your hands.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Yours faithfully,
John James.

[Gillnetter]

Your neighborhood has become increasingly unsafe and you feel the police are not providing adequate protection.

Write a letter to the local police station. Explain the situation and say how you feel about it. Tell them what you would like them to do about it.

Dear Sir/Madam,
Attn: Chief of Police
I am writing to complain about the situation in my neighborhood. Recently, the situation here has become increasingly unsafe and I think that the police are not providing sufficient protection for the local people.

My neighborhood was once considered to be one of the safest places in a town. Unfortunately, last week there was a robbery in our a local shop. It happened during lunch time. Two masked men, armed with a gun and hand grenade stormed into the shop. They threatened to kill everyone at she in the shop, besides, they beat the shop assistant, took money form from the cashier's desk and disappeared. The police unit came to the shop 35 minutes after the incident.
(The sentence could be written "...in the shop, or, at the shop. If the people were inside the shop, then "in" could be used. "At" could also be used since the people were at the shop.)
Furthermore, four days ago my neighbor was returning late from his work, when a person attacked him from behind. He was beaten very badly and robbed. After the incident he was taken to the hospital and, unfortunately, the police still did not approach that case. (...the police still have not approached that case (?)...the police still have not done anything about that case (?))

In addition to that, there were at least three housebreaking attempts in my neighborhood during the last two weeks. All these cases were reported to the police, but we still do have not seen any action taken by the police.

After these unpleasant events, people in my neighborhood feel themselves unsafe. Unless appropriate actions are not enforced in place taken, any one anyone in our neighborhood might become a victim of the gang groups. (Anyone, as a pronoun meaning “anybody” or “any person at all” is written as one word. The two-word phrase any one means “any single member of a group of persons or things”)

I would like you to take these issues very seriously. Our safety in your hands.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Yours faithfully,
John James.

Gil

[rashidjon]

Thanks a lot.