Is my motivation letter well written, do you think it is a good one?

[Flrocita]

YOU CAN GIVE YOUR COMENTS, TELL ME WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS LETTER. THANKS.
Gouda 03-06-2010
R.A. van Dongen
Camusplaats 632
8097LK
Gouda




Dear Sir/Madam,



I have a BA in Education and a major in Foreign Languages: English. I would like to apply for the MA in English Language and Culture at Leiden University, specialising in English Linguistics, for the 2010 summer term.

I am currently studying the NT2 Dutch programme, which I will finish by this September. I would really like to acquire more theoretical knowledge and practical skills in the field of English Linguistics, especially in phonology and syntax. I believe that the only place where I can successfully gain this together with a contextual understanding of this specific field of study is at Leiden University due to its longstanding international reputation in the study of human languages.

In the course of my undergraduate studies, I have discovered a passion for languages; I enjoyed my English classes, in particular my Linguistics classes, and even though they were very general I found those topics relating to human languages extremely exciting. For instance, I recall the moment I realised that the study of Linguistics goes beyond understanding the structure of language; I came to realise that this would help to understand how the unconscious knowledge that humans have about language(s) works, and how languages differ from each other. I was fascinated by all that I learned in this general Linguistics course, so I decided to continue studying it to develop my knowledge.
At the same time I realised that there was a shortage of professionals in the field of English Linguistics in my own town, and in my country in general. Whenever we had a General Linguistics course, we would encounter difficulties in finding a teacher for it, but when it came to English Linguistics, we had to choose between having a non-English Linguistics professor or we would have to wait until the next semester to enrol in a class given by a specialist. Consequently, more than seventy percent of students enrolled in the non-specialist’s class. As a result of those classes, our expectations as students were not met and a good number of us lost interest in this field of study. Therefore, being aware of the problems that the Language School faced then and still does today, I personally commit myself to contribute to the language teaching development of my home town by taking an MA in English Language and Culture, specifically English Linguistics, in the hope that this knowledge and grasp of the subject will allow me to make an important contribution to the place where I first nurtured a passion for this field of study.

In order to achieve my goal, I have chosen to study at Leiden University for three main reasons:

Firstly, Leiden University stands out as the best-equipped institution for the study of human languages in all their diversity. There is no other academic institution, either in the Netherlands or in the countries surrounding it, where as many languages have been taught to such an outstanding degree.
Secondly, Leiden University has a research-intensive orientation. Its students carry out their own research and are encouraged to put their own ideas forward, which is highly appealing to me because I think that if you want to succeed as a professional, you need to demonstrate original thought by challenging your capacity to think and come up with new ideas.

Thirdly, this university offers an intellectually exciting learning environment with high academic standards. In my opinion, this is vital to produce competent individuals at the top of their profession.

I am especially keen to take the MA in English Language and Culture at Leiden, since I know that your English Department covers a broad range of both traditional and modern subjects. In addition, it has some highly experienced members of staff, and the fact that students can benefit from a sizeable network of international contacts with English departments from all over the world makes it even more appealing. As well as the English Language and Culture Department, I would also be able to benefit from its well-known wide choice of specialisations.

I hope that you will consider my application favourably, and help me in my goal to use my education to benefit the institution where I first discovered my passion for Linguistics.

I look forward to hearing from you.
Kind regards,
Racheli Chao

[emsr2d2]

YOU CAN GIVE YOUR COMENTS, TELL ME WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS LETTER. THANKS.
Gouda 03-06-2010
R.A. van Dongen
Camusplaats 632
8097LK
Gouda




Dear Sir/Madam,



I have a BA in Education and a major in Foreign Languages: English. I would like to apply for the MA in English Language and Culture at Leiden University, specialising in English Linguistics, for the 2010 summer term.

I am currently studying the NT2 Dutch programme, which I will finish by this September. I would really like to acquire more theoretical knowledge and practical skills in the field of English Linguistics, especially in phonology and syntax. I believe that the only place where I can successfully gain this, together with a contextual understanding of this specific field of study, is at Leiden University due to its longstanding international reputation in the study of human languages.

In the course of my undergraduate studies, I have discovered a passion for languages; I enjoyed my English classes, in particular my Linguistics classes, and even though they were very general I found those topics relating to human languages extremely exciting. For instance, I recall the moment I realised that the study of Linguistics goes beyond understanding the structure of language; I came to realise that this would help to understand how the unconscious knowledge that humans have about language(s) works, and how languages differ from each other. I was fascinated by all that I learned in this general Linguistics course, so I decided to continue studying it to develop my knowledge.

At the same time I realised that there was a shortage of professionals in the field of English Linguistics in my own town, and in my country in general. Whenever we had a General Linguistics course, we would encounter difficulties in finding a teacher for it, but when it came to English Linguistics, we had to choose between having a non-English Linguistics professor or we would have to wait until the next semester to enrol in a class given by a specialist. Consequently, more than seventy percent of students enrolled in the non-specialist’s class. As a result of those classes, our expectations as students were not met and a good number of us lost interest in this field of study. Therefore, being aware of the problems that the Language School faced then and still does today, I personally commit myself to contribute to the language teaching development of my home town by taking an MA in English Language and Culture, specifically English Linguistics, in the hope that this knowledge and grasp of the subject will allow me to make an important contribution to the place where I first nurtured a passion for this field of study.

In order to achieve my goal, I have chosen to study at Leiden University for three main reasons:

Firstly, Leiden University stands out as the best-equipped institution for the study of human languages in all their diversity. There is no other academic institution, either in the Netherlands or in the countries surrounding it, where as many languages have been taught to such an outstanding degree.

Secondly, Leiden University has a research-intensive orientation. Its students carry out their own research and are encouraged to put their own ideas forward, which is highly appealing to me because I think that if you want to succeed as a professional, you need to demonstrate original thought by challenging your capacity to think and come up with new ideas.

Thirdly, this university offers an intellectually exciting learning environment with high academic standards. In my opinion, this is vital to produce competent individuals at the top of their profession.

I am especially keen to take the MA in English Language and Culture at Leiden, since I know that your English Department covers a broad range of both traditional and modern subjects. In addition, it has some highly experienced members of staff, and the fact that students can benefit from a sizeable network of international contacts with English departments from all over the world makes it even more appealing. As well as the English Language and Culture Department, I would also be able to benefit from its well-known wide choice of specialisations.

I hope that you will consider my application favourably, and help me in my goal to use my education to benefit the institution where I first discovered my passion for Linguistics.

I look forward to hearing from you.
Kind regards,
Racheli Chao

Congratulations on your amazing English! As you can see, I could find only one missing comma and that was it! Well, apart from a slight double-spacing necessity between paragraphs.

I can't comment on it as an actual motivation letter, as I've never had to write one, or deal with one for any reason, but as far as the English is concerned, it's nigh on perfect!

[bertietheblue]

YOU CAN GIVE YOUR COMENTS, TELL ME WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THIS LETTER. THANKS.
Gouda 03-06-2010
R.A. van Dongen
Camusplaats 632
8097LK
Gouda




Dear Sir/Madam,



I have a [BA in Education and a major in Foreign Languages: English - I am unclear about the sense: if you got a BA in Education wasn't Education your major and English a subsidiary subject, or was the degree a joint honours degree in Education & English, or was it something else? Also, scrap the 'Foreign Languages:' - you studied 'English' simply, language being understood, especially since you are talking about another language. By contrast if you studied literature you would write 'English Literature'. Compare me: I have a 'BA in French & Russian' - a joint honours degree although I would never write this because it is understood. Finally, getting a BA is no big deal; it's the grade that counts, so state your grade ]. I would like to apply for the MA in English Language and Culture at Leiden University, specialising in English Linguistics, for the 2010 summer term.

I am currently studying the NT2 Dutch programme, which I will finish [by][in][ this September. I would really like to acquire more theoretical knowledge and practical skills in the field of English Linguistics, especially in phonology and syntax. I believe that the only place where I can successfully gain this, together with a contextual understanding of this specific field of study, is at Leiden University owing due to its longstanding international reputation in the study of human languages.

In the course of my undergraduate studies, I have discovered a passion for languages; I enjoyed my English classes, in particular those on my Linguistics classes, and even though they were very general, I found those topics relating to human languages extremely exciting. For instance, I recall the moment I realised that the study of Linguistics goes beyond understanding the structure of language; I came to realise that this would help to understanding how the unconscious knowledge that humans have about language(s) works, and how languages differ from each other. I was fascinated by all that I learned in this general Linguistics course, so I decided to continue studying this areait to develop my knowledge.
At the same time, I realised that there was a shortage of professionals in the field of English Linguistics in my own town, and in my country in general. Whenever we had a [G][g - as above]eneral Linguistics course, we would encounter difficulties in finding a teacher for it, [but][and] when it came to English Linguistics, we had to choose between having a non-English Linguistics a professor [of English from another area of expertise]or we would have to and waiting until the next semester to enrol in a class given by a specialist. [Consequently][Unsurprisingly], more than seventy percent two-thirds of students[, including me,] enrolled in the non-specialist’s class. As a result of those classes, our expectations as students were not met and a good number of us lost interest [in this field of study].
Therefore, bBeing aware of the problems that the Llanguage Sschools [faced then and still does today][continue to face], I personally commit myself to contributinge to the development of language teaching development of in my home town[ by taking][. To this end, I would like to study] an MA in English Language and Culture, [specifically - if you want to 'specifically' study Lingusitics then it suggests you're not so bothered about the rest of the MA. I might say 'To this end, I would like to specialise in Linguistics on the MA course']that the English Linguistics, in the hope that this my knowledge and grasp of the subject will allow me to make an important contribution to the place where I first nurtured a passion for this field of study - in this sentence your contribution to your home town starts off as a commitment and ends as a hope. 'To this end', as well as breaking up the sentence into 2, improves on this slightly - you're now saying contributing is my commitment and an MA is what I hope will help realise that commitment but I suggest rephrasing]
In order to achieve my goal, I have chosen to study at Leiden University for three main reasons:

Firstly, Leiden University stands out as the best-equipped institution for the study of human languages in all their diversity. There is no other academic institution, either in the Netherlands or in the neighbouring countries surrounding it, where as many languages arehave been taught atto such an outstanding degreelevel.
Secondly, Leiden University has a research-intensive orientation. Its students carry out their own research and are encouraged to put their own ideas forward, which is highly appealing to me because I think that if you want to succeed as a professional, you need to demonstrate original thought thinking by challenging your capacity to think and come up with new ideas.

Thirdly, this the university offers an [intellectually exciting][exciting learning ]environment with high academic standards. In my opinion, this is vital to produce competent individuals at the top of their profession.

I am especially keen to take the MA in English Language and Culture at Leiden, since I know that your English Department covers a broad range of both traditional and modern subjects. In addition, it has some highly experienced members of staff, and the fact that students can benefit from a sizeable network of international contacts with English departments from all over the world makes it even more appealing. As well as the English Language and Culture Department, I would also be able to benefit from its well-known wide choice of specialisations.

I hope that you will consider my application favourably, and help me in my goal to use my education to benefit the institution where I first discovered my passion for Linguistics.

I look forward to hearing from you.
Kind regards,
Racheli Chao

I ran out of steam towards the end so haven't managed to correct the last few paragraphs. And there are still more marks to make to the parts I have changed. But don't let my marks put you off - your English is excellent.

If you want me to proofread fully, PM me. It's not something I would normally do - I proofread all day so the last thing I generally want to do is proofread in my free time - but since you've got this far with your English it would be a shame not to go all the way.

On this forum I find it very difficult to mark changes to anything of any length, especially since I mark heavily. I'm used to tracking in Word and viewing without tracks as I go along so I can see how the revised text reads.

Anyway, if you're interested, I'll try and attach a tracked Word document in a message. If that's not possible I would have to return marks by email. But that's obviously personal information so if it comes to it, that's your choice. Hopefully though, a Word attachment PM'd to you will be fine.

Oh, and one big thing - you need to shorten the letter quite a bit. It should fit comfortably onto one page. You need to think about what's important. I've knocked one or two words off but there's some way to go. Look especially to see if you say more or less the same thing twice.


Regards
Bertie