So I told myself

[gemini]

So I told myself with a gesture born of will, as most of my acts were, not inclination, I took the diary out of the box and opened it.

It's a very hard sentence. Could you explain me please that part?

with a gesture born of will, as most of my acts were, not inclination,

[Offroad]

Good question!

That's the kind of sentence you know the meaning of every word but can't understand the meaning behind it.

[Nathan Mckane]

I'm neither a teacher nor a native speaker of English, but I dont think it's that hard to comprehend your sentence. Here is what I have gotten from you sentence in a nutshell: I opened the box against my will.