How is my IELTS Writing Task 2?

[poncerelyn]

hi, i'm going to take my IELTS exam on 21st of Aug 2010 for Academic purposes. As I observe myself, I'm kinda having hard time in regards to Writing Task 2. Please say something about my essay. Thanks
Topic:
MORE AND MORE CHEMICAL ARE BEING USED IN PRODUCTION OF FOOD AND AGRICULTURAL, THIS IS HARMFUL THAN GOOD. TO WHAT EXTENT DO U AGREE IN THIS STATEMENT?

Nowadays, the practice of chemical applications in foods and agricultural products has been famous in which most of its effects were unhelpful rather an upright. Furthermore, human health is the primary issue followed by a contaminated environment in which people’s lives are gambled away. However, it is useful for merchants dealing with overseas trades which drove them considerable profits.
Firstly, poor health affects the mental and physical capabilities of an individual. A good example of this is canned goods such as sardines and instant noodles. Indeed, monosodium glutamate, known as food seasoning, works as a preservative hoping to impress our taste buds despite the fact that it weakens our intellectual aspect. To be more precise, the food we take certainly affects our minds and bodies.
Moreover, one of the consequences of the use of chemicals is pollution. Pesticides used in farming industries are a threat to humans and animals respectively. Somehow, anti-pest elements combined with natural air or fresh water would absolutely provide an unhealthy habitat for all living things.
On the other hand, chemical implementation is a big help for product exporters in which it tends to lengthen the duration to maintain the freshness of a specific item to be sold abroad. For example, the Philippines publicized that the exporting of goods led a tremendous increase in their income even though pollution is quite common in this area. The society absorbed the chemicals coming from factories in which contributed them different kinds of diseases.
Overall, the usage of chemicals exposed different lives to hazards but through proper awareness in this matter, the risk will be lessened although it is enormous for exporters. In addition it has a big role in keeping foodstuffs for a long time which most individuals prefer.

[shroob]

MORE AND MORE CHEMICALS ARE BEING USED IN THE PRODUCTION OF FOOD AND AGRICULTURAL PRODUCE. THIS IS MORE HARMFUL THAN HELPFUL. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE WITH THIS STATEMENT?

Nowadays, the practice of applying chemical additives to foods and agricultural produce is renown for the negative side effects. Furthermore, human health is the primary issue, followed by the threat of a contaminated environment in which people’s lives are gambled away. However, the use of chemical additives is useful for merchants, especially those dealing with overseas trade, as they help generate considerable profits.

Firstly, poor health affects the mental and physical capabilities of an individual. A good example of this is canned goods such as sardines and instant noodles. Indeed, monosodium glutamate, known as food seasoning, works as a preservative hoping to impress our taste buds by adding flavour, despite the fact that it weakens our intellectual ability. To be more precise, the food we eat certainly has an impact on our minds and bodies.
Moreover, one of the consequences of the use of chemicals is pollution. Pesticides used in farming related industries are a threat to humans and animals respectively. Anti-pesticide chemicals combined with natural air or fresh water undoubtedly provide an unhealthy habitat for all living things.

On the other hand, chemical additives are a big help for product exporters as they tend to lengthen the freshness of a specific item to be sold abroad. For example, the Philippines publicized that the exporting of goods led a tremendous increase in their income even though pollution is quite common in this area. The Filippino population absorbed the pollutants emitted from chemical factories, contributing to the different diseases prevalant in their society.

Overall, the usage of chemicals exposes many different people to hazards, but through proper awareness in this matter, the risk will be lessened. In addition, chemical additives are an important sector in the export economy, primarily due to thier ability to keep foodstuffs fresher for longer, pleasing the customers.

Not a teacher only a native.

I have read and put in bold the areas I have changed. Note I am not a teacher, however, this is how I would write it.

Hope this helps, if you need anything clearing up please ask.

[poncerelyn]

Not a teacher only a native.

I have read and put in bold the areas I have changed. Note I am not a teacher, however, this is how I would write it.

Hope this helps, if you need anything clearing up please ask.

______________________

Thanks a lot, this will surely help me