Which is correct?

[GKanka]

Hi

and Happy new year.
Could you explain to me which is more correct, if any, the adoption of institutions by other cultures in doing so establishes an indicator of their relative progressiveness or the adoption of institutions in doing so by other cultures establishes an indicator of their relative progressiveness. Could you also specify the grammatical function of the colored parts of the sentence? Thank you for your help in advance.

[Barb_D]

Welcome to the forums.

I would omit the part in green completely. I can't understand its purpose there.

The sentence is in the passive. The red part says who the adopters are, giving the agent of the act of adoption.

[GKanka]

Welcome to the forums.

I would omit the part in green completely. I can't understand its purpose there.

The sentence is in the passive. The red part says who the adopters are, giving the agent of the act of adoption.

Thank you. I am sorry, for the sentence lacks a context. But does it make sense as the part of the following sentence? Here, a valuable possibility of accomplishing the universal goal additionally forms the essential condition for historical progress, whereas the adoption of institutions in doing so by other cultures establishes an indicator of their relative historical progressiveness. If yes, then which of the parts should stand first?

[Barb_D]

Is this your writing?

[GKanka]

Yes, it is. Is it too bad?

[bhaisahab]

Yes, it is. Is it too bad?

It's not very clear.

[GKanka]

Thanks. Could you specify?

[emsr2d2]

If I have read it correctly, the following is your full piece:

"Here, a valuable possibility of accomplishing the universal goal additionally forms the essential condition for historical progress, whereas the adoption of institutions in doing so by other cultures establishes an indicator of their relative historical progressiveness."

1) Here - Where?
2) A valuable possibility - this is an odd phrase and even if I knew what it meant, should be followed by "is ..." and then an explanation of what that possibility is.
3) Additionally - in addition to what?
4) In doing so - this is unrequired. You can just say "... whereas the adoption of institutions establishes an indicator ..."

I don't really understand gist of the whole piece but that is probably more due to the fact that I know nothing at all about social history so the terminology is unknown to me.

[GKanka]

Thank you. I would like to answer your questions.

The Here means in my paper.

The additionally implies an additional circle of the accomplishment, whereas the a valuable possibility indicates that such an opportunity is valuable.

By the phrase in doing so I would like to express that (other) cultures, adopting institutions, are involved in the same process of the accomplishment. Does the explanation offer more sense in understanding the statement? Anyhow, your answer was helpful. Thanks, once more.

[Barb_D]

Consider breaking your sentences into smaller ones.


I'm having a hard time seeing how a possibility is valuable. The result it can achieve can be valuable.

By saying "additionally" there is obviously something else, but you use "the" which implies only one. I assume your reader knows what the universal goal is?

The "in donig so" is simply wrong there.

I don't know why people strive for "academic" writing. It's obscure and often almost impossible to understand. Simplicity does not sound stupid and it improves clarity.