see through the vanity of life

[Ashiuhto]

Are the following sentences acceptable?

1. He has seen through the vanity of life and the world, so he took tonsure and became a Buddhist monk.
2. He has been disillusioned with life in general, so he took tonsureand became a Buddhist monk.

[5jj]

1. He has seen through the vanity of life and the world, so he took tonsure and became a Buddhist monk.
2. He has been disillusioned with life in general, so he took tonsurespaceand became a Buddhist monk.

Either change the tense of the verbs I've coloured blue to the past simple, or change that of those I've coloured red to the present perfect.

I am not too well acquainted with religious practices, but I don't think that you 'take' tonsure.

[Ashiuhto]

1. He saw through the vanity of life and the world, so he took tonsure and became a Buddhist monk.
2. He was disillusioned with life in general, so he took tonsure and became a Buddhist monk.

[robbarron]

Further to other answers, I would link the two clauses by using a participle clause rather than using 'so':

Having seen through the vanity of life and the world, he took tonsure and became a Buddhist monk.
Having become disillusioned with life in general, he took tonsure and became a Buddhist monk.

Whilst not a common collocation, the meaning of 'take tonsure' would be clearly understood - at least by those who know what tonsure is!