please correct my Essay and please give a score

[awa]

There are a lot of places of entertainment. Museums and art galleries are one of them. To know the history of the country, museum and art gallery is important. Museum preserves the rarely collection. For our country Bangladesh, National museum preserves many documents which are related to history of our independence. Children and students can see these documents to know the history of the country. Again, national art gallery preserves valuable portrait of Jaynal Abedin, Sultan and OTHER HISTORIC FIGURE. These valuable portraits of Jaynal Abedin give us a concept of famine in 1974. So, it is important for the young people and students as well.

It is nice, if there is no need to charge for admittance of children and students. But for the general people, it is necessary to charge. As for looking after the museum and art gallery, there is need of money. Definitely, the charges will not be higher. In case of foreigner, their charges will be higher than the local people. I think, It will earn a lot of foreign revenue. Last month, I went to visit Moynamoti located at Commillah. There was entry fee for all the visitors is taka 10. I, personally, don't support it. As there should be two types of entry fee. One is for Bangladeshis and other is for foreigners. In the year 2004, I went India to visit Taj Mahal at Agra. There were two types of charges. For Indian people, they need to buy a ticket with 20 rupees only where as I was need to buy for 720 rupees. In many countries, the ticket price for foreigners is higher than the local people. So, I think, it is helpful for our economy to charge an amount as entry fees. But for children and students, it should be totally free. As they are the future generation of the country. They should have rights to know everything of the history.

For the above reasons, my opinion is that, charges are applicable for the general people but not for the children and students as well.

Should arts-related entertainment venues such as museums and art galleries be free of charge for the general public, or should a charge apply for admittance?
Discuss this issue, and give your opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

[csheywood]

There are a lot of places of entertainment. Museums* and art galleries are one of them. To know the history of the country, museums*and art galleryies are* important. Museum* preserves the rarely collection*. For our country Bangladesh, National museum the National Museum preserves many documents which are related to the history of our independence. Children and students can see these documents to know the history of the country. Again, national art gallery* preserves valuable portrait* of Jaynal Abedin, Sultan and OTHER HISTORIC FIGURE*. These valuable portraits of Jaynal Abedin give us a concept of famine in 1974. So, it is important for the young people and students as well You could say what you think is important..

It is nice, if there is no need to charge for admittance of children and students. But for the general people, it is necessary to charge. As for looking after the museum* and art gallery*, there is need of money. Definitely, the charges will not be higher do you mean 'the charges should not be too high'?. In case of foreigner*, their charges will You are suggesting something therefore 'should' is more suitable than 'will' be high be higher than the local people. I think, It it will earn a lot of foreign revenue. Last month, I went to visit Moynamoti located at Commillah. There was an entry fee for all the visitors which is taka 10. I, personally, don't support it. As there * should be two types of entry fee....it, as there ...*: One is for Bangladeshis and other is for foreigners. In the year 2004, I went to India to visit Taj Mahal at Agra. There were two types of charges. For Indian people, they need to buy a ticket with 20 rupees only where as I was need to buy for 720 rupees It's a good idea to use more formal language in a written essay: Indian people were charged 20 rupees only whereas I was charged 720 rupees.. In many countries, the ticket price for foreigners is higher than for the local people. So, I think, it is helpful for our economy to charge an amount as entry fees. But for children and students, it should be totally free. As* they are the future generation of the country. They should have rights to know everything of the history.

For the above reasons, my opinion is that,no comma charges are should be applicable for the general people but not for the children and students as well.

Hello
It's helpful if you can provide a title or the question.
* you refer to people and places in general so you should say these words in the plural form. If you write the singular, you talk of only one.
* 'as' is a good expression to indicate a reason but you don't need to start a new sentence here.

'should' is used because you are recommending a practice, in the same way that we say 'should' when we give advice.