Difficulties of parents between working and bringing up family

[LauraXu]

Money is the major necessity for today's world. People have to work hard to earn more money to fulfill their needs. Therefore, in most of the countries, especially the developed countries, both mother and father of a family go out to work. However, they are parents, so they not only have to work hard but also have to bring up and take care of their family. This become an important issue for families.

Parents should have the ability to manage their times fairly between work and family but actually it is not really easy. If they pay more attention to work, their child will become lonely as his parents can't give much time to listen about his experiences at school or with his friends. Soon, the child will get depression. It will be worst if the child does not have siblings. The duty of the parents include not only the welfare of their family but also to teach their children about the world and how to fit in to the society. Therefore, parents should give time to their family as well as their work.

Parents also have to try hard in their work. They should not be totally influenced by family matters. If they did not do well at work or took leaves because of family problems, they will face financial problems. Therefore, they shouldn't totally neglect their work.

It is really stressful for parents to divide time between working and bringing up a family. They will have to solve problems of both work and family. Phone calls about small family problems are really disturbances for parents at work as while they are already having stress from work, the stress from the family is added.

There may be some time when parents have to bring their work to home. If it is a few times, it is okay but frequent projects of work at home is not a good idea. Parents should spend time with their family when they are at home. It is not their office, so they shouldn't bring their work. Parents should bring warmth and happiness by talking and sharing experiences with their children or spending times with their family like going on a vacation, having dinner together or doing activities together.

In conclusion, parents should spend time with their family and also should not spend less time in work. Lives of parents who are working and of children with working parents are really stressful and tiring. Therefore, it is the best if in a family, the father works and the mother takes care of her family.

[LauraXu]

It is my pleasure to receive your suggestions and comments. I will be very thankful if u point out my errors.

[Raymott]

Money is the major necessity for today's world. People have to work hard to earn more money to fulfill their needs. Therefore, in most of the countries, especially the developed countries, both mother and father of a family go out to work. However, they are parents, so they not only have to work hard but also have to bring up and take care of their family. This becomes an important issue for families.

Parents should have the ability to manage their times fairly between work and family but actually it is not really easy. If they pay more attention to work, their child will become lonely as his parents can't give him much time to listen about to his experiences at school or with his friends. Soon, the child will get depression. It will be is worst if the child does not have siblings. The duty of the parents include not only the welfare of their family but also to teach their children about the world and how to fit in to the [best without 'the' here] society. Therefore, parents should give time to their family as well as (to) their work.

Parents also have to try hard in their work. They should not be totally influenced by family matters. If they do not do well at work or take leaves because of family problems, they will face financial problems. Therefore, they shouldn't totally neglect their work.
Plural of 'leave' from work could be 'periods of leave', 'frequent periods off work", but 'leaves' sounds wrong.

It is really stressful for parents to divide time between working and bringing up a family. They will have to solve problems of both work and family.
[This is becoming repetitive: You've already said that]
Phone calls about small family problems are real disturbances for parents at work as, while they are already having experiencing stress from work, the stress from the family is added.
That's a good use of an inserted clause, but it requires a comma at both ends.

There may be some time when parents have to bring their work to home.
'bring their work home' is how we say it.
If it is a few times, it is okay acceptable but frequent projects of work at home is not a good idea. Parents should spend time with their family when they are at home. It is not their office, so they shouldn't bring their work. Parents should bring warmth and happiness by talking and sharing experiences with their children or spending times with their family like going on a vacation, having dinner together or doing activities together.
"spending time" can be used for multiple periods of time. In this usage it's uncountable, as you use it below.
In conclusion, parents should spend time with their family and also should not spend less time in work. Lives of parents who are working and of children with working parents are really stressful and tiring. Therefore, it is the best for a family, if the father works and the mother takes care of her family. husband and children.
I make this change to remind you to vary your vocabulary a bit.

This is very good, probably the best grammatical effort that I've corrected here for a while.
You tend to be repetitive though. Maybe you are concentrating on your grammar so much that you don't realise you are saying the same thing again and again. Try to vary your words a bit.
I wouldn't use 'okay' in a formal essay - think of a better word.

One thing you shouldn't do in an essay is introduce new material in your conclusion. Your whole essay is about a father and mother finding time for both work and family; and then in the last sentence you say they should stick to traditional roles. If that is the argument of your essay, you should introduced it in your introduction.

[LauraXu]

Thank you very much for pointing out my errors. I know my essay is repetitive but i'm really out of idea. That's the most difficult problem in writing essays. I don't have much idea. Can you please give me some suggestions on how to produce good ideas?

[Raymott]

Thank you very much for pointing out my errors. I know my essay is repetitive but i'm really out of idea. That's the most difficult problem in writing essays. I don't have much idea. Can you please give me some suggestions on how to produce good ideas?

I don't think you posted your actual question, so I can't use that for an example.
You should make a list of your main points before you the write the essay.
If you have one or two points, don't write the essay yet.
Think of more aspects of the question that you could discuss. This way you don't spend the entire essay on the one point that you have.