time spent studying and playing sports

[san2612]

Please help me to correct my essay. Thanks very much in advance.

Topic :It is very important that children should study hard at school. Time spent playing sports and having fun is time wasted. Do you agree?


Every child is expected to study hard at school. They seem to have little time to play sports and have fun. Is it good for them? Studying too much makes children feel bored with their lessons. They need to relax and do what they are interested in.

Sports and leisure activities are necessary for good physical development. Children are healthy and active if they play sports regularly. For example, after my younger brother had a tennis training session, he feel very good. He looks higher and more athletic than he had been before. Therefore, I think parents should let their children play sports to relax in their free time.

Furthermore, playing sports and having fun helps children make a good social relationship. Children need to socialize with their peers, their parents and other people to learn about other experiences which they cannot learn at school. For example, when children play for the school team, they will play together and combine efforts to achieve success. And they will find that if they try their best to do what they want, they will succeed. So is it a good lesson?

Last but not least, I am sure that time spent playing sports and having fun is not time wasted. Children do not want to study all the time. After learning hard, children should have a break and play sports. They will feel refresh and easily continue learning again.

Children often enjoy their childhood with cheerfulness and fun when they play sports. It is best for them to learn their lessons when they have interest. Do you want your child to be a bookworm without knowing nothing about life or to be an active learner with many experiences? Surely I will choose the latter.

[sarat_106]

Please help me to correct my essay. Thanks very much in advance.

Topic :It is very important that children should study hard at school. Time spent playing sports and having fun is time wasted. Do you agree?


Every child is expected to study hard at school. They seem to have little time to play sports and have fun. Is it good for them? Excessive studying (too much) makes children feel bored with their lessons. They need to relax and get freedom to do what they are interested in.

Sports and leisure activities are necessary for good physical development. Children remain (are) healthy and active if they play sports regularly. I have seen how (For example,) my younger brother after having (had) a tennis training session (, he feel) felt very good (or exceedingly well). He looks taller (higher) and more athletic than ever (he had been) before. Therefore, I think parents should let their children play sports so as to have enough relaxation (to relax) in their free time.

Furthermore, playing sports and having fun helps children develop (make a) good social relationship. Children need to socialize with their peers, their parents and other people to learn from their (about other) experiences which otherwise they cannot learn at school. For example, when children play for the school team, they (will) play together with (and) combined team efforts to achieve success. And they (will find) feel that if they try their best to do what they want, they will succeed. So is it not a good lesson?

Last but not the least, I am sure that the time spent in playing sports and having fun is not time wasted. Children do not want to study all the time. After learning hard, children should have a break and play sports. They (will) feel refreshed and easily get inclined to continue learning again.

Children often enjoy their childhood with cheerfulness and fun when they play sports. It is best for them to learn their lessons when they have interest. Do you want your child to be a bookworm without knowing nothing about life or to be an active learner with many experiences? Surely I will choose the latter.

Delete words underlined in brackets.

[san2612]

Thanks very much, can I write "I am sure that..." or "surely..."?

[sarat_106]

Thanks very much, can I write "I am sure that..." or "surely..."?

Yes, you can do that.“I am sure that” is an adverb clause which can be replaced by one word adverb having the same meaning. Here are two examples to demonstrate the same::
I saw the movie before I left for Paris (the highlighted part is adverb clause)
I saw the movie yesterday. (replaced by one word adverb yesterday)
I am sure that it would work
Definitely/surely it would work
.

[san2612]

"I am sure that the time spent in playing sports and having fun is not time wasted".
In this sentence, I don't understand why you add "in.

[sarat_106]

"I am sure that the time spent in playing sports and having fun is not time wasted".
In this sentence, I don't understand why you add "in.

The underlined expression in the said sentence is a noun phrase and acting as subject. So addition of "in" is optional. If it sounds good without that, you can do away with.