Forum newsfeeds
Forum Newsfeeds


Sites for Teachers

Sites for Teachers


Go Back   UsingEnglish.com ESL Forum > Learning English > Editing & Writing Topics

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1 (permalink)  
Old 16-Feb-2005, 15:27
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Country: Japan
Posts: 294
Current Location: Tokyo
First Language: Japanese
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
peppy_man is on a distinguished road
Default Please correct my essay.

My favorite movie

My favorite movie is 'Rain man'.
The main character of the movie is managing a small company.
His relationship with his father was bad. They had never met for over ten years.
When his father died, he was notified that he could not receive his father's legacy.

The beneficiary of the legacy was a person who lived in facilities for challenged people.
He suffered from autism and could not communicate with others.
Later the main character knew that the autistic man was his elder brother.
The main character kidnapped his brother for ransom and threatened the facilities to send the money his brother received as his father's legacy.

In many situations, however, the main character had to take care of his autistic brother and faced so many troubles caused by his brother's autistic behaviors, many of which are so frustrating for him.
He had never experienced that kind of trouble in his life.

Due to his long absence from his company, his company suffered a heavy loss.
The situation was getting more and more difficult, but he hit on an idea.
The people with autism have special talents and abilities, particualrly in memory.
The main character of the movie thought that he could use his brother's extraordinarily strong memory in a gamble and
took his brother to Las Vegas.
They hit the jackpot.
It was a huge success.

After that, the main character started to admire his brother as a human.
His attitude toward his autistic brother completely changed.
At this point, the money his brother owned was not important for him.
It was not much concern for him that he had kidnapped his brother for ransom.

In conclusion, 'Rain Man' is a movie about a brother-brother relationship, but what's more impressive is
that this type of movie attracted so much attention in this materialized world.
Reply With Quote
Sponsored Links
  #2 (permalink)  
Old 17-Feb-2005, 02:30
Editor, UsingEnglish.com
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Country: UK
Posts: 25,131
Current Location: Phnom Penh
First Language: English
Thanks: 2
Thanked 243 Times in 232 Posts
Tdol has disabled reputation
Default Re: Please correct my essay.

I'll start:
My favorite movie is 'Rain man'.
The main character of the movie is managing a small company.
His relationship with his father was bad. They had never met for over ten years.
When his father died, he was notified that he could not receive his father's legacy.
Ok, now there's no need for this to be divided up like this- it makes it more difficult to read:

My favorite movie is 'Rain man'. The main character of the movie is managing a small company. His relationship with his father was bad. They had never met for over ten years. When his father died, he was notified that he could not receive his father's legacy.

Secondly, 'is managing' should be 'manages'. The second and third sentences don't connect very well, so why not join them:

The main character of the movie is the manager of a small company, whose relationship with his father was bad.

Lastly, how about 'would not receive'?
Reply With Quote
  #3 (permalink)  
Old 23-Feb-2005, 15:59
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Country: Japan
Posts: 294
Current Location: Tokyo
First Language: Japanese
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
peppy_man is on a distinguished road
Default Re: Please correct my essay.

Sorry for the delay in replying.
tdol, thank you for correcting my essay.
It's a great help for me.
Reply With Quote
  #4 (permalink)  
Old 24-Feb-2005, 01:43
Editor, UsingEnglish.com
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Country: UK
Posts: 25,131
Current Location: Phnom Penh
First Language: English
Thanks: 2
Thanked 243 Times in 232 Posts
Tdol has disabled reputation
Default Re: Please correct my essay.

You're welcome.
Reply With Quote
  #5 (permalink)  
Old 24-Feb-2005, 17:30
Senior Member
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 727
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
twostep
Default Re: Please correct my essay.

They had never met for over ten years????
Reply With Quote
  #6 (permalink)  
Old 12-Mar-2005, 07:24
Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Country: Japan
Posts: 294
Current Location: Tokyo
First Language: Japanese
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
peppy_man is on a distinguished road
Default Re: Please correct my essay.

>They had never met for over ten years????

They had not met for over ten years.

Correct????
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
correct, essay

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Please correct my essay Dany Editing & Writing Topics 3 22-Dec-2004 11:17
Teachers, may you please correct my essay. hmong04 Editing & Writing Topics 3 06-Jul-2004 08:01
please help me to correct my essay. thanks a million. eric2004 Ask a Teacher 32 05-Nov-2003 13:10
Would you correct this new essay? aleycris Ask a Teacher 4 29-Oct-2003 15:41
Would you correct this essay? aleycris Ask a Teacher 22 18-Oct-2003 21:05


New To Site? Need Help?

All times are GMT. The time now is 05:22.


vBulletin, Copyright ©2000 - 2008, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.2.0 RC5
Copyright © 2002 - 2008 UsingEnglish.com