help me! i'm going to have a presentation. plz check 4me

[candy_kute]

Video games have been becoming popular in the world, so, the bad effects are unavoidable. The purpose of my presentation is that to introduce you to the disadvantages of them. Violent video games should be banned, in my point of view, I fully agree with this topic.

Let’s begin by the effects on aggressive behavior, psychology and cognition. Although video games are designed for entertainment, testing personal abilities, and sometimes education, they remain include violent content such as fighting, killing and stealing. Fighting scenes are applauded that players may watch and bring violent actions to the real life. For example, recent researches of video games show that 89% of games contain some violent content. Analyses also reveal that violent video games are the cause of sudden anger, daily stress and depressions. Nothing grabs their attention and keeps their concentrate as much as video games. Furthermore, in gamers’ cognition, they will see the world as a violent place in which violence is normal. These games increase aggressive behavior in children, adults or whoever you are.

The health of players is affected seriously. Research has pointed out negative effects of violent video games on children’s health including heart attack, neck pain and even obesity. This is usually combined with a poor diet , junk food. In fact, there are lots of gamers die in the world every year because of playing video games without taking a rest. Youngsters can develop Repetitive Strain Injure from playing games or sitting at the computer too long. They aslo can get many healthy problem easily.

If people play video games too much, they won’t have social skills. Gamers have no interest in other activities; they only eating, sleeping and dreaming about the games that they’re playing. In addition, players don’t want to take part in any social work, they prefer play video games to keep up with friends or communicate with others. For example, the study by Victoria University revealed that 15 percent of 621 adult were flagged as "problem gamers" who spend more than 50 hours a week playing games; just one percent of them were found to have poor social skills, such as shyness. Foremost, gamers can’t solve the difficult problem in their life and becoming anti-social or self damaging.

It is easy to imagine the effects of such games on young minds; we can see that playing these games causes social and personal problems of several kinds both to youngsters and society. Violent video games should be banned. Preventing the disadvantages of them is the responsibility of authority.


many thanks

[chester_100]

Hello, the following points may be helpful:

1-Video games have been becoming popular in the world, so their bad effects are unavoidable.

The above sentence is logically wrong. Popularity does not necessarily bring about bad effects which can not be avoided.
-in the world= all around the world.

2-The purpose of my presentation is that to introduce you to the disadvantages of them.
-that should be removed from the sentence.

3-Violent video games should be banned, in my point of view, I fully agree with this topic.
-From my point of view = in my opinion
-You haven’t introduced any topics. You could simply say:
I’m strongly for (agree with) the idea of banning violent video games.

4-Let’s begin by the effects on aggressive behavior, psychology and cognition.
-let’s begin with.
-The sentence implies that video games have some effects on the behavior of a person who is already aggressive. So the games trigger/provoke aggressive behavior.
-Psychology: study of mind, perception, cognition, and so on. So you mean “psyche”.

5-they still include.

6-Fighting scenes are applauded that players may watch and bring violent actions to the real life
-I don’t seem to understand your point here. Maybe you mean:
Some (psychologists) are concerned that violent scenes to which players are exposed may encourage violent action in real life.

7-For example, recent researches conducted on video games show that 89% of such games contain some violent content.

8-Repetitive Strain Injure/ injury.

[chester_100]

9-They can also developmany health problems easily.
-healthy problem: this phrase is contradictory; the effect can’t be healthy and problematic at the same time.

10-If people play video games too much, they won’t develop social skills.
-I’m not personally concerned with the philosophy that lies behind an essay, yet I think you’re overestimating their effects.

11-they only spend the timeeating, sleeping and dreaming about the games that they’re playing.
-how can they be playing and dreaming of playing simultaneously?
……..and dreaming of the games they (obsessively) play (during waking hours).

12-players tend to avoid taking part in any social activities,

13-theyprefer playing video gamestomeeting their friendsor communicating with others

14-15% of 621 adults.

15-Preventing the disadvantages of them is the responsibility of those in authority.

Psychologists believe that the main reason for the harmful character of violent video games lies in the fact that they require the person to choose to act aggressively. Some of the antisocial kids are influenced by such games.

[candy_kute]

thanks so much. My essay have too many mistake bacause I've written it in a short time. Ur correction of you are really helpful.:)