toefl essay: is your city a interesting place to live
please correct my essay for me. Thank a lot
Topic: A person you know is planning to move to your town or city. What do you think this person would like and dislike about living in your town or city? Why? Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.
My essay:
Yearly, ten thousands of persons come to my city for business, visiting or settling. For any purposes, I believe that most of these persons will like about living in my city because of the three following main reasons.
For the first reason, the person who is living in my city can enjoy an interested feeling because the center in my city has a lot of entertaining places such as the National park and the big cinemas and theatres. Especially, my city is famous with the largest number of coffee shops. Every kind of persons can come to various cafés from common to luxurious ones.
Furthermore, habitants feel comfortable with the mild climate in my city. My city is located on the Temperate zone and is surrounded with range of mountain and Pacific Ocean. These conditions create an ideal climate for my city. It is really suited for businessmen, visitors and habitants. It also help persons who is living in the city save a lot of expense for air-conditioner and heater
Finally, my city has a very good security system. People obey seriously laws here because of the numerous polices in every corners of city. Therefore, yearly statistic numbers of traffic accidents and criminal cases are very few. According to Daily Young journal, my city has best security system in my country. In addition, it is stated that my country is clarified such as one of ten places that have best security system in the world.
In summary, the certain person who is planning to move to my city, surely, would like about living in my city because my city have a lot of entertaining place, the mild climate and the good security system. It will be wonderful if government in my city continues to maintain these above conditions in the future
Re: toefl essay: is your city a interesting place to live
Quote:
Originally Posted by
superboy0802 
please correct my essay for me. Thank a lot
Topic: A person you know is planning to move to your town or city. What do you think this person would like and dislike about living in your town or city? Why? Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.
You've only answered half the question. You are supposed to also say what they might dislike about it.
Re: toefl essay: is your city a interesting place to live
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Raymott You've only answered half the question. You are supposed to also say what they might dislike about it.
My teacher said that I could mention only one aspect in case of toefl essay. She supposed that I could not write two aspects within thirty minutes :-(
Re: toefl essay: is your city a interesting place to live
Quote:
Originally Posted by
superboy0802 My teacher said that I could mention only one aspect in case of toefl essay. She supposed that I could not write two aspects within thirty minutes :-(
When you do your real essay, make sure to answer the question.
If you are absolutely constrained to having three and only three points, you could give two points in favour and one against.
Or you could end one of you sentences with ", although some people might not like the ...." That would at least mean you've answered the question.
