Edit my college app essay please?
Hi, I'm not much of a writer type and my college app is due tomorrow. I've written, revised once, had someone else look over my essay, and revised again but I really wanted a second opinion too. Any critiquing is welcome. Thanks in advance!
Word Count: 593
Needs to be 400-500
Moving across the country can pose many challenges to the life of a teenage girl in the middle of her high school career. For her parents, itís an opportunity to start a new life in a new place, and itís something exciting. But for her, itís more of a turning point, a crossroads, and her parents are pulling her the way she doesnít want to go: away from her old life.
Although itís a big change to pick up and leave a life youíve been living for sixteen years and start over on the opposite side of the country, it can be done. Nearing the end of my sophomore year, I was living happily in my town of Land Oí Lakes, Florida when my parents told me that my mom had gotten a job in the farthest place from there in the continental U.S.: Seattle, Washington. At first I was excited to be able to live in a new place and experience new environment, but as the date of moving approached, I realized how much of a challenge it would be to make new friends, get accustomed to a completely different cultural mix, adjust to a totally new learning environment, and meet the new expectations within all of those. This made me more apprehensive about moving.
When we finally moved at the end of my sophomore year, the biggest challenge was leaving my friends and family behind. My parents are divorced so not only did I have to leave my friends that I had known since what seemed like birth, I had to leave my dad, too. It was a very tough experience to leave and let go, but I think in the end that prepared me for similar experiences of separation, like leaving for college.
After arriving in Seattle, we moved into our new house in the suburbs and, instead of going out and making friends, I chose to cling to my old friendships. In retrospect, it was definitely a good thing to keep the friendships alive in Florida, but at the same time, it would have been good to get connections here before starting school. I was scared and nervous, though, as is human nature when moving to a new place, and it prevented me from doing much in the summer before junior year.
I ended up starting school and making many friends quickly, just as my parents predicted, even though I was terribly nervous beforehand. My teachers noticed this ability to acclimate as well, along with my adaptability to a new learning environment and new expectations, especially since I started the IB program in junior year. This is why I was nominated for and received the ďStudent of the MonthĒ award for the science department in December of my junior year and also nominated for and accepted into National Honor Society.
The whole moving experience was really a time of self discovery in the sense that I learned how easily and quickly I can adapt to new situations and how useful this can be in life. It has also given me the strength to move on, even when something drastic happens that I might not like. The discovered ability of adaptation has allowed me to make many new close and highly valued friends, which have played an important role in my survival of the IB program, as well. Overall, even though on moving day I would have never dreamed I would say this, I believe that moving to Seattle was actually a very positive experience for me as a person.
By fatpanda in forum Editing & Writing Topics
Last Post: 27-Oct-2009, 19:16
By Lana_J in forum Editing & Writing Topics
Last Post: 29-Mar-2009, 19:52
By inck243 in forum Editing & Writing Topics
Last Post: 28-Oct-2006, 07:29
By Ultimeaciax in forum Ask a Teacher
Last Post: 06-Dec-2005, 14:30
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO