[Grammar] Please check my detective story for grammatical mistakes

[dado1]

Thanks

It was rainy, gray autumn night. I had been teaching my students about forensics, when my partner rang to say there had been a murder in my neighborhood. I was shocked. My neighborhood has been very friendly, until now.

Thunders began to strike as I was making my way to crime scene to find out more about crime. The victim was tall, dark-haired, friendly, 18-years-old student, called John Goodboy. The body was lying down on carpet. No blood, just one knife mark right on his heart. At first glance, there wasn’t any evidence, but later I found some reptiles skin and moon dust.
His parents had died few years ago. He had no one expect 2 friends. I went to talk with his friends.

I began my enquiries at Joe’s house, friend number 1. As soon as I entered the house, I saw that he was interested in astrology. Joe was 18 years old. He didn’t let us in his room. He was very determinate. He admitted that he loved John but he was sometimes jealous of him. I managed to see in his room and I saw his pets, lizards.

I visited Markish Knightwish, his second friend. He seemed as normal 17 years old boy. I asked for his ID and I saw different name there. Similarity between him and one of my students was incredible, but his name was different.

The abduction of John had showed that he had died just before I came to crime scene, but his body was cold and stiff and wound from knife healed. I was fairly certain who the murderer was.

[buggles]

It was rainy, grey autumn night. I had been teaching my students about forensics, when my partner rang to say there had been a murder in my neighbourhood. I was shocked. My neighbourhood has been very friendly, until now.

Lightning began to strike (or thunder began to roll) as I made my way to the crime scene to find out more about the crime. The victim was a tall, dark-haired, friendly, eighteen year old student, called John Goodboy. The body was lying down on the carpet. No blood, just one knife mark right in his heart. At first glance, there wasn’t any evidence, but later I found some reptile skin and moon dust.
His parents had died a few years ago. He had no one except two friends. I went to talk with his friends.

I began my enquiries at Joe’s house, friend number one. As soon as I entered the house, I saw that he was interested in astrology. Joe was eighteen years old. He didn’t let us into his room. He was very determined. He admitted that he loved John, but he was sometimes jealous of him. I managed to see into his room and I saw his pets, lizards.

I visited Markish Knightwish, his second friend. He seemed a normal seventeen year old boy. I asked for his ID and I saw a different name there.The similarity between him and one of my students was incredible, but his name was different.

The abduction of John had shown that he had died just before I came to crime scene, but his body was cold and stiff and the wound from the knife had healed. I was fairly certain who the murderer was.


Pretty good so far!


buggles (not a teacher)

I've corrected using UK English rather than US. Hope that's OK.

[dado1]

thank you