Would you please take a glance at "Ignorance"?

[Ever Student]

"Ignorance"

Once upon a time, a little lamb used to have green grass during spring and summer. She was being fastened around a huge tree, as an umbrella shading over her, while eating. The grass was fresh and soft and she became fresh and happy to be at ease. After passing the first half of the year, the lamb grew and needed to eat more. The color of grass turned yellow and got less and less tasty and the umbrella was missing its leaves. The lamb's joy to have yellow grass was little. Missing her sense of taste, the fatty lamb was revolving around the tree to find out any green grass. Winter came and she was hungry. The earth was filled with snow and the tree shading over her with icy synclines. Now, she was afraid of dying of hunger. Loosing the ropes, She got the way out to look for green grass somewhere across her land.

[Ever Student]

I wish someone edited my passage.

[Ever Student]

poor lamb! people have ignored you.

[san2612]

I don't understand why this writing named "Ignorance" and why "The color of grass turned yellow and got less and less tasty and the umbrella was missing its leaves." ? Do you want to say that it was because the winter came ?

[Ever Student]

Yes. Because the lamb ignored what changed environment, and she enjoyed that time.

[san2612]

I think any reader will hardly understand why the writing named "Ignorance". So you should add a sentence:

After passing the first half of the year, the lamb grew and (needed to eat) ate more and more. But she ignored what was changing the environment. The color of grass turned yellow and got less and less tasty and the umbrella was missing its leaves. The lamb's joy to have yellow grass was little. Missing her sense of taste, the fatty lamb was revolving around the tree to find out any green grass. Winter came and she was hungry. The earth was filled with snow and the tree shading over her with icy synclines. Now, she was afraid of dying of hunger. Loosing the ropes, She got the way out to look for green grass somewhere across her land.
(I'm a student)

[Ever Student]

O' thank you for your suggestion.

[chester_100]

Blue= my suggestions
Red= the parts that should be removed

"Ignorance"

Once upon a time, there lived a little lamb that used to eathave green grass during spring and summer. She was being fastened aroundto a huge tree, aswith an umbrella shading over her, while eating. The grass was fresh and soft and she rejoiced at living in peace became fresh and happy to be at ease.

********

After the first half of the year, the lamb had grownup and needed to eat more. The color ofgrasshad turned yellow and began to lose its tastefulnessgot less and less tasty and the umbrella(?)tree had already started to wasshedmissing its leaves.
The lamb's joy to have yellow grass was little.

********

Missinglosing her sense of taste, the fatty fatlamb was revolving around the tree to find outany somegreen grass.

! The two events don't make good simultaneous actions.

********

Winter hadcome and she was hungry. The earth ground was filled blanketedwith snow and the tree shading over her withwas covered with frosticy synclines.

********

Now, she was afraid of dying of hunger. Loosing the ropes, She managed to find a way outgot the way out to look for green grass somewhere across her land.

About your message I have to say that a busy life is not the only major problem. Anyhow, I suppose I'm not going to be around much in the future.

Bye,

[RonBee]

If the lamb was tied to a tree much of the time it probably didn't get enough to eat. And if the lamb wasn't getting enough to eat it would be a lean lamb, not a fat one.

I understand that "umbrella" refers to the tree, but if it were me I would stick to calling it a tree.

[Ever Student]

Thanks Chester and Ronbee for your reading and editing.
ok, i will change umberlla into tree.