Please kindly help me check my essays
There are two essays as follows, please clarify my weaknesses and evalute by given the score. Thank you very much
P.S. These essays are not my homework. I have graduated Bachelor degree:)
Topic: The prime concern of mankind
In the twenty-first century, there are many problems plaguing our country and the world such as the overpopulation, the extinction of thousands of species and the threat of nuclear annihilation. Nevertheless, the environmental problem that should be the primary concern is deforestation. Since forests, one of the most valuable eco-systems, are important for all creatures because they can protect soil erosion and provide edible and medical plants such as fruits and herbs. On a global scale, forests prevent an increase in the Greenhouse Effect because they reduce the amount of carbon dioxide in climate.
Initially, the most vital things to living are sun which is giving the light and warm, water which is essential to humans, animals and plants, and oxygen which is obtained by the forests. When the plants are obtained the light from the sun, together with carbon dioxide and the result is oxygen. Then humans and animals are taken oxygen and release carbon dioxide. This creates the cycle of living. When forests are taken from the cycle more and more, the cycle tends to be unbalanced and the results will be the critical problems such as an excessive carbon dioxide in the atmosphere that causes the Global Warming which makes the world hotter and molten the ice pole.
Apart from the oxygen-carbon cycle, the water cycle is also affected by deforestation. When it is raining, roots of plants will absorb water and moisture. Without forests, a climate will be drier and flooding is easy to occur because it lacks of roots to absorb water. Moreover humans cannot do agriculture because the soil will lack of moisture and nutrition.
Additionally, deforestation also threatens the extinction of thousands of species. Since the tropical rainforests are habitats for animals, and about 80% of biodiversity could be found in the forests. Due to rainforest deforestation, it has been estimated that 50,000 species including plants, animals and insects are losing a year. Without any protections on the deforestation, more than 40% of the animal and plant species in Southeast Asia could be extinct in the 21st century.
According to the United Nations Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO), forests have already disappeared in many regions and deforestation rates are increasing worldwide. For example, 90% of West Africa’s rainforests have disappeared since 1900. In South Asia, approximately 88% of the rainforests have
been lost. Although, there are many causes of deforestation such as corruption of government institutions, population growth and urbanization, agriculture is the prime cause. Statistically, farming is responsible for 48% of deforestation, followed by commercial agriculture for 32%. For example, in the North of Thailand, farmers use traditional slash-and-burn agriculture to clear forests and plant cash crops such as mushrooms and sweet vegetable. This action leads to an entirely degraded piece of land which will be unable to recover its original biomass for many years.
To solve deforestation is not easy task. Although, major international organizations like the United Nations have developed programs to solve the deforestation, they have had little success. Since deforestation is related with economic issues for example, most developing countries are driven by short-term profit in logging industries rather than long-term preservation. Consequently, only international actions are not enough to solve deforestation, the solutions should be done by all level as well. For example, companies which use wood as main raw materials should reduce the amount of natural forests to be cut down by growing their own trees in the unused lands. Besides, each country should educate farmers to practice sustainable agriculture and enact laws to prevent illegal logging.
For each individual, one possible solution is recycling. The more people recycle the less dependence on paper products such as paper towels and bags. With no demand for these products, there would be a decrease in the need for logging in the rainforests. Another solution to deforestation is forest plantations. Although, the destroyed forests are hard to create and recover ecology around them, re-planting is the effective way to make people realize the importance of forests and increases forest areas in the future.
In conclusion, deforestation should be the prime concern of mankind because forests are one of the most important natural resources. Not only does it balance oxygen-carbon and water cycles, still it plays the role of the habitats of wildlife. Therefore, in the world without forests, all creatures cannot survive.
Building sports centers in communities is the best way to improve public health.
There are many ways to improve public health such as education, medical researches and injury preventions. However, one of the most effective methods is to promote physical activity like exercise. Since most illnesses can be prevented or improved through regular exercise. Therefore, if sport facilities are provided in communities, I believe that it will improve public health for the following reasons.
First of all, accessible sports centers can increase a number of people to exercise. Many people do not exercise regularly because there are not sufficient sport facilities in their communities. Most fitness centers are commercial and located in the cities. Although, public parks are alternative places where people can exercise, most of them are so crowded and unsafe at night. Hence, if a sport center is built near their houses, people can exercise as often as they want.
Secondly, physical activities opportunities in sports centers help to increase fitness and reduce the risk of sickness. Nowadays, physical inactivity is a major cause of people’s health such as heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, obesity and stress. To prevent these illnesses, experts recommend that people should exercise 20 to 30 minutes a day or at least five times a week. Therefore, building sports centers where people can exercise regularly can help them to develop physical fitness and reduce the risk of illnesses.
Finally, sports centers can increase the awareness of people to realize the importance of exercising and motivate them to exercise regularly. Staffs in sports centers can give people the right advice to maintain good health such as a customized fitness routine and a nutrition plan. Additionally, sports canters can be used to conduct the various fitness programs in commodities. For example, sports summers camps for children, a daily aerobic dance class and sports competitions in their commodities. Not only do these activities help people to develop their physical strengths, but also they provide an opportunity to interact with other people in their neighborhood.
In conclusion, I agree that to build sports centers in communities are the effective way to improve public health. Since sports centers can increase more people to exercise regularly and provide various physical activities which establish lifelong habits for good health.
Last edited by Wirra; 24-Dec-2009 at 18:24.
By new2grammar in forum Ask a Teacher
Last Post: 26-May-2008, 17:29
By drnode in forum Editing & Writing Topics
Last Post: 20-Apr-2008, 14:37
By chintu in forum Ask a Teacher
Last Post: 19-Apr-2007, 15:16
By user_gary in forum Ask a Teacher
Last Post: 29-Jan-2007, 07:29
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO