Asking for advice / Telling news

[Etern1ty]

Hello everybody!

Could you please take a look at these 2 essays, I'm just asking for grammar mistakes and style-correction (formal/informal). I put (?) where I'm not sure...I'd be very, very glad, because I just don't have someone who could correct my mistakes.



TASK:

You have decided to contact a previous teacher of yours about your choice of career. Your heart is set on doing theatrical studies but your parents disapprove of this choice for various reasons. Write a letter asking for his/her advice

LETTER:

Dear Anna,

I am writing to you for asking for your advice. I am in two minds, and the problem is that my parents disagree with my choice of career. I want to become an actor, but they say that the decision is hasty(?).

Their first weighty(?) argument is that nowadays the profession is not paid enough. They suggest me going to an economic university. Nevertheless, I am making the choice due to(? just for being more formal) my desire, and I think that money doesn’t count(?)( doesn't matter). I would rather be a happy dustman than an unhappy millionaire.

Another reason for changing my mind, in their opinion, that I don’t have such a (?)talent for being an actor. I absolutely(?) disagree with them and actually I want to prove it somehow. But they even don’t give me an opportunity!

I would be extremely grateful for any your advice. I am looking forward to your answer.
Sincerely,
Victor.
_________________________________________

TASK:

You had the opportunity to spend six months in another country working for a large telecommunications company. You have just returned and have decided to send a letter to a friend describing the experience.

LETTER:

Dear John,

You’ll never guess what I want to tell you! You’re the first one I’ve actually contacted. I’ve been working in England for 6 months for a large telecommunications company and I’ve just returned to Moscow! I know that you’ve been always interested in the experience working abroad, and I’m going to tell you all about it.

At first I had a lot of troubles in communicating, despite the fact that I really felt confident about my English. But when you’re working for eight hours every day and speaking only in English you’re bit by bit(?) getting used to it. So, it’s not a problem.

Another important thing is that you must be smart enough, because foreign counties make inexorable (?) demands for foreigners. You must be the best person so that they will choose you. Lucky me!

I’m very excited about the job and I can’t wait to meet you and tell all in details. We could discuss it in a café, what do you think? I’m looking forward to your answer!

Yours, Victor



And a couple of questions:
I think that "due to" is more formal than "because of", am I right?
And "Despite" or "In spite of", I heard that it's too formal, but what the informal equivalent? For example, what could I say instead of "In spite of/Despite the fact that..."?

Thanks in advance.

[Gillnetter]

Hello everybody!

Could you please take a look at these 2 essays, I'm just asking for grammar mistakes and style-correction (formal/informal). I put (?) where I'm not sure...I'd be very, very glad, because I just don't have someone who could correct my mistakes.



TASK:

You have decided to contact a previous teacher of yours about your choice of career. Your heart is set on doing theatrical studies but your parents disapprove of this choice for various reasons. Write a letter asking for his/her advice

LETTER:

Dear Anna,

I am writing to you for asking for your advice. I am in two minds, and the problem is that my parents disagree with my choice of career. I want to become an actor, but they say that the decision is hasty(?).

Their first weighty(?) argument is that nowadays the profession is not paid enough. They suggest me going to an economic university. Nevertheless, I am making the choice due to(? just for being more formal) my desire, and I think that money doesn’t count(?)( doesn't matter). I would rather be a happy dustman than an unhappy millionaire.

Another reason for changing my mind, in their opinion, that I don’t have such a (?)talent for being an actor. I absolutely(?) disagree with them and actually I want to prove it somehow. But they even don’t give me an opportunity!

I would be extremely grateful for any your advice. I am looking forward to your answer.
Sincerely,
Victor.
_________________________________________

TASK:

You had the opportunity to spend six months in another country working for a large telecommunications company. You have just returned and have decided to send a letter to a friend describing the experience.

LETTER:

Dear John,

You’ll never guess what I want to tell you! You’re the first one I’ve actually contacted. I’ve been working in England for 6 months for a large telecommunications company and I’ve just returned to Moscow! I know that you’ve been always interested in the experience working abroad, and I’m going to tell you all about it.

At first I had a lot of troubles in communicating, despite the fact that I really felt confident about my English. But when you’re working for eight hours every day and speaking only in English you’re bit by bit(?) getting used to it. So, it’s not a problem.

Another important thing is that you must be smart enough, because foreign counties make inexorable (?) demands for foreigners. You must be the best person so that they will choose you. Lucky me!

I’m very excited about the job and I can’t wait to meet you and tell all in details. We could discuss it in a café, what do you think? I’m looking forward to your answer!

Yours, Victor



And a couple of questions:
I think that "due to" is more formal than "because of", am I right?
And "Despite" or "In spite of", I heard that it's too formal, but what the informal equivalent? For example, what could I say instead of "In spite of/Despite the fact that..."?

Thanks in advance.

Dear Anna,

I am writing to you for asking for your advice. I am in two minds (The phrase is ‘I am of two minds’ – you probably are not in two minds), (the sentence should stop here) and (delete ‘and’ and start a new sentence with
The’) the problem is that my parents disagree with my choice of (a) career. I want to become an actor, but they say that the decision is hasty (‘hasty’ is fine, though hasty here means that the writer hasn’t thought this matter through and it sounds as though he has).


Their first weighty(?) (‘weighty’ is probably not needed here) argument is that nowadays the profession is not paid enough. They suggest me going to an economic university. Nevertheless, I am making the choice due to (‘due to’ sounds good to me) my desire (add ‘to be an actor’), and I think that money (‘doesn't matter’ sounds better – ‘doesn’t count’ would be a problem along with ‘money’). I would rather be a happy dustman than an unhappy millionaire.

Another reason for (me) changing my mind, in their opinion, (is) that I don’t have such (delete ‘such’) a (replace ‘a’ with ‘any’) talent for being an actor. I absolutely disagree with them and actually (delete ‘actually’) I want to prove it somehow. But they even don’t give me an opportunity!


I would be extremely grateful for any (delete ‘any’) your advice. I am looking forward to your answer.


Sincerely,
Victor.

Dear John,

You’ll never guess what I want to tell you! You’re the first one I’ve actually (delete ‘actually’ it is an overworked word and indicates that the writer is not well versed in the language) contacted. I’ve been working in England for 6 (‘six’ rather than ‘6’ might be a better choice) months for a large telecommunications company and I’ve just returned to Moscow! I know that you’ve been always interested in the experience (of) working abroad, and I’m going to tell you all about it.

At first I had a lot of troubles in communicating, despite the fact (sounds good to me)that I really felt confident about my English. But when you’re working for eight hours every day and speaking only in English you’re bit by bit getting used to it (…you get used to it bit-bit-bit). So, it’s not a problem.

Another important thing is that you must be smart enough, because foreign counties (well… foreign countries don’t make demands, the people in foreign countries make demands) make inexorable (‘inexorable’ might be too much here – how about ‘many’?) demands for foreigners. You must be the best person so that they will choose you. Lucky me!

I’m very excited about the job and I can’t wait to meet you and tell (you) all in (not ‘in’, ‘the’) details. We could discuss it in a café, what do you think? I’m looking forward to your answer!

Yours, Victor