please check my short story

[amirghh]

A cloud and a seed made friend with each other.

They loved each other.

They played with each other very much.

The cloud played the fool and seed also danced for cloud.

Sometimes they wrote to each other and wind delivered their letters.

Because they where far from each other.

One day, they decided to play hide-and-seek.

The seed closed its eyes and cloud hid.

The seed found it behind the sun.

Then cloud should close its eyes.

Seed hid under ground and cloud couldn't find it.

The cloud thought that it never would see seed, so cried hard.

Because of its tears the seed grew and climbed the sky.

Cloud was glad when it saw a bridge between sky and ground.

And came down to find it's friend.

When reached there, while seed was changed made a joke with cloud.

Cloud knew seed and embraced it.

Afterwards many clouds for finding their seeds travel to the ground and then fog happens!

[san2612]

Hi, amirghh
I've found your stories very interesting.

[Gillnetter]

A cloud and a seed made friends with each other.

They loved each other.

They played with each other very much.

The cloud played the fool and seed also danced for cloud.

Sometimes they wrote to each other and wind delivered their letters.

Because they where were far from each other.

One day, they decided to play hide-and-seek.

The seed closed its eyes and cloud hid.

The seed found it behind the sun.

Then cloud should close its eyes.

Seed hid under ground and cloud couldn't find it.

The cloud thought that it never would see seed, so Cloud cried hard.

Because of its tears, the seed grew and climbed the sky.

Cloud was glad when it saw a bridge between sky and ground.

And came down to find it's its' friend.

When Cloud reached there, while seed was changed made a joke with cloud.

Cloud knew seed and embraced it.

Afterwards many clouds for finding their seeds travel to the ground looking for their seeds and then fog happens!

Interesting story - nice choice of words.

[amirghh]

I write my story in new form. But I don't understand which form is better. Can you help me, please?





A cloud and a seed made friends with each other.


They loved each other.


They spent a lot of time playing with each other.


The cloud made faces and the seed danced for the cloud in return.




Sometimes they wrote to each other and the wind delivered their letters.


Because, there was a long distance between them.


One day, they decided to play hide-and-seek.


The seed closed its eyes and the cloud hid.


The seed found it behind the sun.


Then it was the cloud's turn to close its eyes.




The seed hid under the ground and the cloud couldn't find it.




Thinking that it has lost its friend for ever, the cloud burst into tears.


Thanks to the cloud's tears, the seed grew and touched the sky.




Finding a bridge between the sky and the ground, the cloud became very happy.


And came down to find its' friend.




The seed, now in its new face, stated to making jokes with the cloud.




The cloud knew the seed and embraced it.




Since then, many clouds have traveled to the ground in the hope finding their seeds, causing dense fog.

[chester_100]

A cloud and a seed made friend with each other.

They loved each other.
They played with each other very much.

The cloud played the fool and seed also danced for cloud.
Sometimes they wrote to each other and wind delivered their letters.
Because they where far from each other.
One day, they decided to play hide-and-seek.
The seed closed its eyes and cloud hid.
The seed found it behind the sun.
Then cloud should close its eyes.
Seed hid under ground and cloud couldn't find it.
The cloud thought that it never would [would never] see seed again, so cried hard.
Because of its tears the seed grew up and climbed the sky.

Climb, particularly in view of its meaning in your story, is an intransitive verb. To be used correctly there in your sentence, it requires a preposition: climbed up. Of course, it should be noted that ascend describes a better skyward movement.

Cloud was glad when it saw a bridge between sky and ground.

It's better to use a change-of-state verb here; something like become; or other structures:
- He rejoiced at seeing ....,
- Seeing the bridge delighted him.

A bridge connecting the sky to the ground (= the ground to the sky).

And came down to find its friend.
When [he or she] reached there, while seed was changed made a joke with cloud.

Apparently, there's an ongoing action at work; you could say: while the seed was changing. Change can be used as an intransitive verb. Otherwise, was being changed should be used, which doesn’t sound to be perfectly natural.
Was the seed undergoing a metamorphosis? By change, do you mean going up or growing up?

Cloud knew [recognized is better here] seed and embraced it.
The cloud
Afterwards many clouds for finding their seeds travel to the ground and then fog happens!

Many clouds, trying to find their seeds, descend over/ upon the ground, and that's why fog is formed.

Hang and fall can also be used with fog.

Fall is associated with a gloomy mood. Cloud itself can be used as a verb too.

So your explanation of this meteorological phenomenon involves a process of
matchmaking between the friend-seeking clouds and waiting seeds. Connotatively, it's believable.

Some points in general:

- Please use such pronouns as he or she while referring to objects and entities in English.
Repeated usage of it or its makes the text mechanical. So, depending on your mental picture of the cloud, seed, and wind, choose appropriate pronouns to refer to them.

- The first version suffers from a dissonance with respect to the usage of the. In some cases, mainly toward the ending, capitalized words (viz. Cloud, Seed) show up, while in the rest of the text, the was used (the cloud). If you’re talking about some specific cloud or seed, the the should be used every time you mention it.

- The second version is more systematic and generally better. In either case, the separate sentences have to be put into paragraphs, though. If a text is not well-defined, its transitions will not be sensed and that may leave the reader confused.