Toefl Essay: Does a person need to earn a lot of money to be considered successful?

[verona506]

I would really appreciate it if you could tell me what are the "goods" and "bads" of this essay. I am preparing for the toefl test, I am a self learning and I can not ask somebody else (teachers or mates) to take a look. I need to know whether I buid correct sentences/phrases. Do they sound ... fake?

Thank you in advance!

What does the word “successful” mean? In the last years a plenty of books were written on this topic and the libraries consider them a good product. Why do people buy books about success? How do we appreciate whether somebody is successful or not?
For many people success means money, for others success means knowledge, for others – relationships and friends. It depends, generally, on people’s mentality and on their beliefs. For example a priest will consider himself successful if he feels like changing in good other people’s lives, thus the financial part will not be important for him. A scientist will be successful after discovering a new theory. Sometimes their success is related to money as well, but most of the times the scientists are really addicted to their work and their bigger appreciation is not money, but … science.
I could continue with several examples, but I want to point out that nowadays most of the people mix the definitions of the words “success” and “money”. Why? It is happening because the media advertises money and rich people. Rich people are very often the subject of classroom or friendly discussions. Rich people are the dream of every single little child. Rich people appear at TV, in newspapers, in movies, in the most famous clubs etc. Simple people relate all these activities with the idea of a successful man. This is how money became the reason for which people are considered successful only if they are rich.
Is this a correct way of thinking? Nowadays we can not say that somebody thinks wrong and we respect all the opinions. Thus, I can say “YES, it can be a good way of thinking”, but what happens next? Don’t people have any other values than money? Are they building their lives having only these purposes: earning money and being successful?
I think success does not mean only money. I can consider my first teacher a successful woman, even though she was having serious financial problems. She was having always the best students and she was loved for her way of teaching and being. I can consider the neighbor next door a successful man, because he has three beautiful and smart children. I consider myself successful, because I learned to do a lot of things by myself and because I have a lot of friends.
There are probably different types of success, as there are different types of love and ancient Greeks observed that. This is why I will conclude this essay saying that people are successful if they feel like this. The others have the right to judge and to appreciate it or not.

[Gillnetter]

I would really appreciate it if you could tell me what are the "goods" and "bads" of this essay. I am preparing for the toefl TOEFL test, I am a self learning learner and I can not ask somebody else (teachers or mates) to take a look. I need to know whether I buid build correct sentences/phrases. Do they sound ... fake?

Thank you in advance!

What does the word “successful” mean? In the last years a plenty of books were written on this topic and the libraries book stores consider them a good product. Why do people buy books about success? How do we appreciate whether somebody is successful or not?

For many people success means money, for others success means knowledge, for others – relationships and friends. It depends, generally, on people’s mentality, and on their beliefs. For example, a priest will consider himself successful if he feels like as though he is changing in good other people’s lives for the good,; thus, the financial part will not be important for him. A scientist will may be considered successful after discovering a new theory. Sometimes their success is related to money as well, but most of the times the scientists are really addicted to their work and their bigger appreciation is not money, but … science.

I could continue with several examples, but I want to point out that nowadays most of the people mix the definitions of the words “success” and “money”. Why? It is happening because the media advertises {advertises is not a good choice here - how about "features"?} money and rich people. Rich people are very often the subject of classroom or friendly discussions. Rich people are the dream of every single little {little doesn't add anything to this sentence. Also, be careful of using words like "every".} child. Rich people appear at on TV, in newspapers, in movies, in the most famous clubs etc. Simple people relate all of these activities with the idea of a successful man. This is how money became the reason for which people are considered successful only if they are rich.

Is this a correct way of thinking? Nowadays we can not say that somebody thinks wrong and we respect all the opinions. Thus, I can say “YES, it can be a good way of thinking”, but what happens next? Don’t people have any other values than money? Are they building their lives having only these purposes: {no colon here - use a semicolon} earning money and being successful?

I think success does not mean only money. I can consider my first teacher a successful woman, even though she was having had serious financial problems {To make this sentence clearer, I changed "was having" to "had"}. She was having always had the best students and she was loved for her way of teaching and being. I can consider the neighbor next door a successful man, because he has three beautiful and smart children. I consider myself successful, because I learned to do a lot of things by myself and because I have a lot of friends.
There are probably different types of success, as there are different types of love and as the ancient Greeks observed that. This is why I will conclude this essay saying that people are successful if they feel like this they are. The o Others have the right to judge and to appreciate it or not.

Good job. Needs a little editing but I believe you should have no real problem with the test.

[verona506]

Thank you very much. I gave the same text to my sister before and she said "it looks perfect to me" :) Now I know I should concentrate more on grammar, but also on vocbulary (like in the case of "advertise", I was thinking that I know to use correctly this word, but there are lots os subtilities). Thank you again. Can I post some other essays? :)

[Gillnetter]

Thank you very much. I gave the same text to my sister before and she said "it looks perfect to me" :) Now I know I should concentrate more on grammar, but also on vocbulary (like in the case of "advertise", I was thinking that I know to use correctly this word, but there are lots os subtilities). Thank you again. Can I post some other essays? :)

Feel free to post other works. It is sometimes difficult to ascertain the meanings of words, as the meanings will change from time-to-time. Also, different countries have different meanings for the same words - for example, in England, a bonnet is a metal covering over the engine of an automobile. In the U.S., a bonnet is a hat worn by a woman.