[Essay] IELTS Essay Help: Rubbish

[paul p]

Hello! Please comment, suggest revisions, or even score. Thanks much!

IELTS

Nowadays, litter and rubbish on the street and sidewalks is becoming a problem. Some people feel that the best way to solve this problem is to fine people who throw rubbish on the floor. Do you think this would be effective?
What other methods could be used to solve the problem of litter?

Answer:

Garbage scattered on public places more commonly on streets and sidewalks is a problem of today. Fining people who throw their rubbish on the floor is what some people believe to be the best solution.

Imposing a fine for violators for leaving their trashes anywhere would definitely be effective especially when the fee is high, because if it is set on a low value then frequent violators will not stop. There are many busy people walking on streets and sidewalks all the time, and some of them are catching up for the day's work or for whatever reason, maybe for a date as well. Some do also eat their snacks or breakfast while walking down sidewalks and do not even bother to dispose their trash on designated bins because of the little time they could waste.

But aside from the above mentioned solution, there are still other ways to solve the problem. There may not be sufficient bins on some areas that is why some people are maybe taking a long time looking for one and in the end found a tiny one three blocks away. So the thing to do is place more trash bins on proper places and with proper labels to guide the people.

In addition, public awareness of the health risks that can be acquired from dirty places must be known by the community. With this, they could gain cooperation and discipline to the ordinances of the place where they live.

Summing the whole thing up, being a role model and a responsible citizen is the best way of any method. In the end, whatever we throw will always go back to us.

[Raymott]

Originally Posted by paul p

Hello! Please comment, suggest revisions, or even score. Thanks much!

IELTS

Nowadays, litter and rubbish on the street and sidewalks is becoming a problem. Some people feel that the best way to solve this problem is to fine people who throw rubbish on the floor. Do you think this would be effective?
What other methods could be used to solve the problem of litter?

Answer:

Garbage scattered on public places more commonly on streets and sidewalks is a problem of today. Fining people who throw their rubbish on the floor is what some people believe to be the best solution.

Imposing a fine for violators for leaving their trashes anywhere would definitely be effective especially when the fee is high, because if it is set on a low value then frequent violators will not stop. There are many busy people walking on streets and sidewalks all the time, and some of them are catching up for the day's work or for whatever reason, maybe for a date as well. Some do also eat their snacks or breakfast while walking down sidewalks and do not even bother to dispose their trash on designated bins because of the little time they could waste.

But aside from the above mentioned solution, there are still other ways to solve the problem. There may not be sufficient bins on some areas that is why some people are maybe taking a long time looking for one and in the end found a tiny one three blocks away. So the thing to do is place more trash bins on proper places and with proper labels to guide the people.

In addition, public awareness of the health risks that can be acquired from dirty places must be known by the community. With this, they could gain cooperation and discipline to the ordinances of the place where they live.

Summing the whole thing up, being a role model and a responsible citizen is the best way of any method. In the end, whatever we throw will always go back to us.

This is better than the one I corrected yesterday. But you need to think about the structure of your essays more.
Introduction: Don't just repeat the question. The reader already knows the question and wants to read your answer to it.
Conclusion: Your 'summing up' does not sum up your argument.
You've given three solutions to the problem:
i. Impose a fine
ii. Provide more bins
iii. Increase awareness of health risks.
You then "sum up" by saying that the real solution is something you haven't even discussed!
You shouldn't add any new material in the conclusion - it should draw together what you have already said.

[paul p]

Hello Raymott,

Thank you so much for the comments and suggestions. I really appreciate it.
With regards to my introduction, in an IELTS exam I believe you have to introduce the topic in your own way most commonly by rephrasing.

I only got two weeks to prepare. I think I'm going to gamble the exam. Come what may.

[Raymott]

Originally Posted by paul p

Hello Raymott,

Thank you so much for the comments and suggestions. I really appreciate it.
With regards to my introduction, in an IELTS exam I believe you have to introduce the topic in your own way most commonly by rephrasing.

I only got two weeks to prepare. I think I'm going to gamble the exam. Come what may.

Then at least consider changing you introduction from:
"Some people think <whatever the question says>." to
"While some people think <whatever the question says>, I believe the best solution is <your solution>".
In the body of the essay, you will then give reasons for your opinion.
In the conclusion, you will sum up what you have presented.

[paul p]

Okay, can you at least give me a sample conclusion of my essay please! Thanks!