[Essay] IELTS Essay Check

[paul p]

Please check/comment/suggest/score my essay response. Thanks much!


In today's world, subjects like maths and science are the most important for children to learn in school. School curricula should focus on these subjects more and reduce the time spent on music, literature, art and history. Only this way we can adequately prepare students for life in the modern world.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Answer:


Nowadays, young students should concentrate more on subjects such as maths and science. The curricula of the school which they attend to must focus on teaching these subjects. Moreover, the duration of time alloted on music, literature, art and history need to be lowered. Doing this way is what some people claim for young learners to be prepared enough for life in the modern world.

I tend to disagree with the issue of which subject should have priority for children. At a very young age, they are still developing their outlook in life. It could be acceptable to say that they are premature to the real world. They cannot stand alone and make decisions for themselves.

Pointing now to the argument, maths and science are indeed the bridge for becoming a professional in fields like engineering, medicine, finance, and others. But not everyone is good or can excel on these subjects. We have our own capabilities and interests. No matter how hard we work to show an excellent or an acceptable performance on these subjects, it is not going to happen if we lack enthusiasm and compassion.

In addition, there are youngsters who are good on music, literature, and art. Is math and science going to hinder them to be better on where they perform best? There are many music artists and writers today who are very successful and even became wealthy because of their incredible talent, and skills. Another point, taking history for granted will make the next generation to disregard the past which taught so much to man like preventing such a plane crash or any disaster experienced by man.

In conclusion, children should not be forced on what to take up. They have their dreams and should be allowed to become best on what they do.

[Gillnetter]

Originally Posted by paul p

Please check/comment/suggest/score my essay response. Thanks much!


In today's world, subjects like maths and science are the most important subjects for children to learn in school. School curricula should focus on these subjects more and reduce the time spent on music, literature, art and history. Only in this way we can we adequately prepare students for life in the modern world.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Answer:


Nowadays, young students should concentrate more on subjects such as maths and science. The curricula of the school which they attend to must focus on teaching these subjects. Moreover, the duration of time alloted on music, literature, art and history need to be lowered. Doing this way is what some people claim for that young learners need in order to be prepared enough for life in the modern world.

I tend to disagree with the issue of which subject should have priority for children. At a very young age, they are still developing their outlook in on life. It could be acceptable to say that they are premature to the real world. They cannot stand alone and make decisions for themselves.

Pointing now to the argument, maths and science are indeed the bridge for becoming a professional in fields like engineering, medicine, finance, and others. But not everyone is good or can excel on in these subjects. We each have our own capabilities and interests. No matter how hard we work to show an excellent or even an acceptable performance on in these subjects, it is not going to happen if we lack enthusiasm and compassion.

In addition, there are youngsters who are good on in music, literature, and art. Is Are math and science going to hinder them to be better on in where they perform the best? There are many music artists and writers today who are very successful and even became wealthy because of their incredible talent, and skills. Another point, taking history for granted, will make cause the next generation to disregard the past which taught so much to man like preventing such a plane crash or any disaster experienced by man.

In conclusion, children should not be forced on what to take up. They have their dreams and should be allowed to become best on in what they do.

You need to review the words "in" and "on". I'm not sure that you answered the question. In your conclusion you said that children should not be forced into certain areas - Are you suggesting that schools offer all possible subjects? When you write these types of papers, take a strong position and defend that position. It is not important if you are right or wrong - this type of assignment is given to teach you how to write and how to debate.