please help me to check my ielts essay, thanks a lot!

[qdtaihao]

hi,
This is my first essay,
http://www.usingenglish.com/forum/ed...-my-essay.html

I have got a lot of help from this forum, and below is my second essay. Could you please give me any suggestion on my grammer, vocabulary, structure and perspective? Thank you very much in advance. I will take the ielts at 6th, March. And it is very important for me, please give me a hand!




It is important for children to learn what is right and what is wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn the distinction. To what extent do you agree? What sort of punishment should be taken?



It is a generally accepted fact that childhood is a crucial period to learn how to distinguish the bad side and the good side of an issue. Some parents and socialists contend that it is necessary to give proper punishment upon children who made mistakes. As far as I am concerned, I greatly agree with this argument.

Punishment is helpful to build a person with discipline, respect and straight quality. It is also a basic factor to establish a stable and livable society. So individuals must understand that it is standard practice to have a fine when they make some mistakes. Besides, childhood which is considered to be a precious period to learn the world, has to be utilized to instill the rules which is that people should pay for their faults and apologize for it. For example, children have to know that punishment will be applied on them if they commit a stolen. While what sort of punishment is proper is also a widely discussed issue.

In terms of the level of punishment, parents have to realize that the object of punishment is children. An appropriate fine will warn them that the same mistakes cannot be done for next time. If, however, parents punish children too heavily, children will be afraid to communicate with their folks. In this case, generation gap can be brought about, which lead to more difficult to cultivate their children. On the other hands, children will ignore the punishment easily and commit the same mistakes again, if the fine is not stringent enough. Personally, a strict speech with them should be effective when a child comes back too late at night.

In short, punishment plays a essential role of fostering a child with correct view towards life. Proper punishment need to be applied to children who make a mistake. in the long run, they will be advised to know it is beneficial for their whole life.

[qdtaihao]

Can someone give me some suggestion? Thanks

[qdtaihao]

could someone help me? thanks.

[qdtaihao]

pls just give me some advise ! thanks!

and is there any special rules in this forum? I just want to know why some essay will be corret early, others will go to the bottom?

thanks!

[Gillnetter]

hi,
This is my first essay,
http://www.usingenglish.com/forum/ed...-my-essay.html

I have got a lot of help from this forum, and below is my second essay. Could you please give me any suggestion on my grammer, vocabulary, structure and perspective? Thank you very much in advance. I will take the ielts at 6th, March. And it is very important for me, please give me a hand!




It is important for children to learn what is right and what is wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn the distinction. To what extent do you agree? What sort of punishment should be taken?



It is a generally accepted fact that childhood is a crucial period to learn how to distinguish the bad side and the good side of an issue. Some parents and socialists (Do you mean sociologists?) contend that it is necessary to give proper punishment upon to children who made make mistakes. As far as I am concerned, I greatly agree with this argument.

Punishment is helpful to build a person with discipline and respect and straight quality. It is also a basic factor to establish a stable and livable society. So, individuals must understand that it is standard practice to have a fine be punished when they make some mistakes. Besides, childhood, which is considered to be a precious period to learn about the world, has to be utilized to instill the rules which is that people should pay for their faults and apologize for it. For example, children have to know that punishment will be applied on to them if they [STRIKE]commit a stolen[/STRIKE]steal. While what sort of punishment is proper is also a widely discussed issue.

In terms of the level of punishment, parents have to realize that the object of punishment is children (No. The object of punishment is to correct behavior). An appropriate fine punishment will warn them that the same mistakes cannot be done for next time again. If, however, parents punish children too heavily, children will be afraid to communicate with their folks. In this case, a generation gap can be brought about, which lead to will make it more difficult to cultivate their children. On the other hands, children will ignore the punishment easily and commit the same mistakes again, if the fine punishment is not stringent enough. Personally, a strict speech with them should be effective when a child comes back too late at night.

In short, punishment plays a the essential role of fostering a child with a correct view towards life. Proper punishment needs to be applied to children who make a mistakes. in the long run, they will be advised to know it is beneficial for their whole life.

here