essay about me

[julyaalexa]

I have to write an essay about me. I want to work in America, in a camp during summer, with a program for student and they asked me for an essay.
Can you please check it and if you have more ideas...
Here it is:

My name is Iulia. I was born and raised in the beautiful city Sibiu, Romania which is located in Central Europe. I finished High School in my home town and now I am a student at the University “Alma Mater” Sibiu. Here I am studying to become an economist. I have an elder sister, her name is Oana, she has five children, four girls and one boy and she majored in Letters. She got married to a priest at the age of 19, so we didn’t spend as teenargers too much time together, to become to know each other better. Now, we enjoy her lovely children, who are a blessing from God.
My mother raised us by herself, she is a very strong woman in spite of her gentle look. She believed in us every step of the way and incourage us every time we felt dissapointed. Because of her I am studying now economics. She always wanted us to do grater then she did, not to dispel our talents. And here I am at the “University Alma Mater” at the end of my first semester, confident in myself and ready to learn more.
I am a friendly person, realiable and hard worker. I enjoy walking in the park, riding my bike, having fun with my friends, going to picnics, skiing and spending my time with my wonderfull grandchildren. I was a witness to their first steps, their first teeth, when they started to say their first words. Only then you get to really love them for who they are: honest and inocent, they have no bad intentions and they love you unconditionally.

[Gillnetter]

I have to write an essay about me. I want to work in America, in a camp during summer, with a program for student and they asked me for an essay.
Can you please check it and if you have more ideas...
Here it is:

My name is Iulia. I was born and raised in the beautiful city of Sibiu, Romania. Romania which is located in Central Europe. I finished high school in my home town and now I am a student at the university, “Alma Mater” in Sibiu. Here I am studying to become an economist. I have an elder sister, her name is Oana, she has five children, four girls and one boy. and she majored in Letters. She got married to a priest at the age of 19, so we didn’t spend as teenargers too much time together as teenagers, to become to know each other better. Now, we enjoy her lovely children, who are a blessing from God.
{In the US a priest usually does not get married. A better word might be, "minister" or "pastor".}
My mother raised us by herself, she is a very strong woman in spite of her gentle looks. She believed in us every step of the way and incourage encouraged us every time we felt dissapointed disappointed. Because of her, I am studying now economics. She always wanted us to do grater greater then she did and not to dispel our talents. And here I am at the “University Alma Mater” at the end of my first semester, confident in myself and ready to learn more.

I am a friendly person, a realiable reliable and hard worker. I enjoy walking in the park, riding my bike, having fun with my friends, going to picnics, skiing and spending my time with my wonderfull wonderful grandchildren.{the children of your sister are not your grandchildren - they are your nieces and nephews} I was a witness to their first steps, their first teeth and when they started to say their first words. Only then you get to really love them for who they are; honest and inocent innocent, they have no bad intentions and they love you unconditionally.

Here are some changes for you to consider. I noticed that you spelled many words incorrectly.

[julyaalexa]

Thank you very much for your help. Now I realize how many words were spelled incorrectly. Maybe because I stopped writing in English six years ago.